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4:37 a.m. - 2000-11-16

I THINK I GOT UP TOO EARLY ...

Hey kids it's me and I've got another story,

It's about my kid, so I know that it will bore thee,

The name's M.C. Unkabob and I'm here to rock your world,

I don't know a lot but I ..........

.....Sorry. I was trying to write my first entry written entirely in hip-hop form. I got bored with the whole thing after the first line.

So...what's up wi' choo and yer bad se'f??

(See? I'm still fly ... I'm still one raging hep cat. I know how to spread the shiznit. I'm closing in on 40 and just had my first kid. Yeah. Oh hell yeah. That REALLY makes me cool...I'M A NERVOUS FREAKIN' WRECK, PEOPLEEEEEEEEE!!!!)

((Bob falls down on the floor, curls up into a fetal position, shoves his thumb in his mouth and calls softly for "Mommy"))

Actually ... I'm a just 'a playin'. I'm in a GREAT mood ... I've got an awesome kid, an awesomer wife ... I'm ... I'm ... I'm ...

...My vacation's almost up. That totally sucks five-dollar-whore scrotum. I've had two weeks to hang with the the A.J. meister and his mother who just did the most awesome thing in the world and that's give birth and she's made me fall in love all over again, so if I ever sent you a love letter, telling you how much I needed you ... I lied.

..............

....C'mon people...it's a JOKE here...they don't get any better than that!! Our next entertainer is a funny man from Alabama. His hobbies include boating, fishing and getting drunk and drowning. Would you please put your HANDS together and give a big Diaryland welcome to ....UNCLE BOB!!!!!

Kidding about the love letter. The only people I ever wrote a letter like that to aren't members of Diaryland and don't read this diary.

...To the best of my knowledge anyway.

So ... uhhhh....hmmmm???

Andrew learned how to hit the little thingamabobs that hang down from his whatchamajiggy with his fists last night. That was pretty cool.

What???

You thought I was talking about his balls!! YOU'RE SICK!!!

YOU ARE ONE TWISTED SISTAH!!! YOU MAKE ME WANT TO RETCH, EAT MY SICK AND THEN RETCH IT AGAIN!!

An Optimistic Bullemic ... they vomit, eat the vomit and then vomit again.

Sorry if I offended any Bullemics.

Oh...so anyway...Andy learned how to hit the soft plush toys that hang down from his activity mat thing yesterday.

It was pretty cool.

Oh yeah...if you haven't seen his latest pictures I've posted new photos of him and they appear at the front of the photo album. #1-7, I think. Anyway...they're called "The Cutest Baby In The World".

And I realize he's not the cutest baby in the world. He'd never win any beauty contests right now.

But Susie and I think he's adorable and we couldn't have asked for a better baby.

IT seems like all his pictures...he's always doing his "mean" look. The chubby faced lil' man has got those eyebrows that look like he's in horrible pain.

I've gotta get some sleep. I'm sorry this thing made no sense. I took a Darvocet for my arm last night and am a tad bit woozy this morning.

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