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5:49 a.m. - 2001-08-20

HEIRLOOMS ARE OVERRATED

Guess what you lucky bitches (and bastards)???

For those of you who JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THE DREW DOGG...there's new photos of him up on the web.

Uh-huh.

Now...keep in mind...when I say "new", I don't necessarily mean "recent". I've been shooting more video of him lately than photos, so most of these photos are at least three weeks old...some even older.

I had to start a new photo album of the kid, because the old one had my old email address on it and since I got rid of that email, for some reason the old one wouldn't work properly, i.e. wouldn't let me upload pictures.

Soooo...if you want to gaze at the world's most handsome baby, courtesy of my impeccable spermatozoa....feast your eyes on my little angel here.

And ... as always...more pix to be coming soon.


I've got a great little cooking tip for you amateur chefs out there.

When you're cooking something in the oven in a glass dish, and it's been cooking for about an hour, and you take the glass dish and pour some cold water in the dish...BE PREPARED FOR FUN!!!

So I'm roasting some chickens in the oven. In a glass dish. And the chickens are up on these racks with water down beneath the chickens to help keep them moist.

With me so far?

After about an hour, I take the chickens out to check on them.

Oops!

I forgot to add water to one of them because my wife was being weird yesterday and was in a foul mood and I was more concerned with her than putting water in the dish.

So the dish was kinda scorched.

I take a glass of water...regular tap water...and begin pouring it in the dish.

The dish expanded and busted open all over the stove.

I don't think I'd be a huge wuss by admitting...it scared the shit outta me.

The damned thing just shattered like Robert Downey Jr's career when I poured the water in.

As it turns out...the dish came from Susie's dead grandmother's house. So as if she wasn't in a bad enough funky mood, I had just shattered an heirloom of hers.

Okay. Typically, a glass baking dish isn't considered an heirloom by many people. But her grandma was dirt poor and damned near everything she owned had to be considered an heirloom since she didn't have jewelry or furniture to be passed down once she kicked the bucket.

You shoulda seen this alarm clock/radio heirloom she had. Priceless, baby.

When the glass shattered, I let out an "OH SHIT!" and jumped away from the dish like it was a giant rat.

This actually made Susie laugh. Even when she found out the heirloom was in a million pieces.

"Accidents happen," she said.

Yes I know.

Look at Andy.


My buddy Brian was back in the pulpit yesterday, preaching after his nine-week sabbatical.

All is right with the world. He told me beforehand he was nervous and out of his rhythm.

I didn't know preachers had rhythm, but after listening to him, I realized what he was talking about.

I didn't think he missed a beat. He probably didn't. Didn't get a chance to congratulate him afterwards though, because some crazy lady was holding up the line as we file out of the sanctuary, telling him how much she missed him.

This crazy lady wears these HUGE assed hats to church every week. They've got shitloads of feathers in them and beads and damned near everything you can imagine a huge assed hat could have.

One time, she wore a hat that had a little toy train going around the brim, going "CHOO! CHOO!" and puffing out little rings of smoke.

What?

You think I'd LIE to you people??


Went to Office Max yesterday to purchase a new CD case that holds 224 CDs.

I'm in CD holder Heaven!!!

Understandably, I'm one giddy little bitch right now. It even has a handle on it, so I can walk around with it, looking like a real big shot and people will stand there and say "My God...what is it about Uncle Bob today that makes him look like a big shot?" And then they'll see my CD case and go "Ahhh...it must be that weird looking briefcase that he's holding."

And I'll take my weird looking briefcase with me everywhere I go, commanding respect with every step I take.

And soon...very soon...people will start realize that I have a knack for picking out really weird looking briefcases that are really CD cases with handles.

And then I'll bet they'll like me.

And respect me.

And ask me to go to lunch with them.

Yep.

That case is going to change my life forever.


I've really been getting into Ryan Adams lately.

He's like a punk country singer. Sang for the band Whiskeytown for a while. Sings country songs with an attitude.

I always thought I'd never be into country music. I grew up in Nashville and despised country music.

And it wasn't until I heard the band Drivin' 'n' Cryin' sing "Straight To Hell" that I realized that country music doesn't have to be goofy hillbilly droning shit music. It can be pretty cool in the right hands.

So now...my new genre of music that I like is "Y'allternative"....alternative music with a country taste.

THIS is country I can stand to listen to.

So last night, I downloaded Ryan Adams' "Heartbreaker" CD and burned it.

Hey...just because I like the guy doesn't mean I'm going to spend money on his music.

Actually...he's got a new disc coming out real soon and I'll probably buy that if I like what I hear on this CD.

Once again...I'm the music business' nightmare. I'm a guy with a CD burner, a cable modem and wayyy too much intestinal fortitude.

Unless that phrase means I have something wrong with my intestines. In that case, I don't have intestinal fortitude. It's just something I heard a football player say he had one time and I figured it's probably a good thing to have.

For all I know, it could mean he has faulty intestines.

I ain't the brightest lamp post on the block.


That's it for me.

Shit to do. Places to go.

Heirlooms to break.

Check out the kid and tell me how cute he is. Not that I need the positive reinforcement, but I don't see how the hell you could hold back the gushing when you see what an angel he truly is.

Adios.

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