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4:35 a.m. - Oktober 6th

I'M TOO SEXY FOR THIS ... WELL ... HELL...I AIN'T SEXY AT ALL

My GOD ... I've got a busy day today ...

The fashion show begins at 9 today and I have to be over there by 8:30. Which means I have to get to work at 8 a.m. to find a photographer willing to come take pictures of me and local celebs as we walk the catwalk humming "I'm Too Sexy" in our heads.

Will you guys be seeing photos of me from the fashion show today.

BWAHAHAHAAAA!!!

Ummmmm....no.

First off, I'm modeling the Godugliest shirt you'll ever see. Stevie Wonder wouldn't be caught dead in this thing.

Second ... during the third trimester, I've packed on ten more pounds, which makes me hesitant to run recent photos on the web.

Third....ummmmmm....no.

AFTER the fashion show, I have to zip back to the office, as I have organized a cookout at work today.

We've all been harboring a hankering for some ribs lately at work. One of our salesmen and I are the two grillmasters at work and we were both bragging about our ribs.

So it was GOING TO BE a mini-cookoff. Both of us cooking ribs and allowing everyone to decide who does the better job.

But CONVENIENTLY ... the salesguy's uncle died and he had to go to the funeral.

Uh huh.

Surrrrrrrre.

My uncle woulda died too if I had to face me in a rib cookoff.

So automatically...I win by default.

Go me!!

FYI ... I have a recipe for cajun ribs which is out of this world!! I make up my own dry rub spice, rubbed them all down last night, they've been chilling in these spices since last night, and when you take them off, they taste JUST LIKE steak. No BBQ sauce at all on them, so they're not even that messy.

My wibs wock!!

THENNNNNN....once I get done cooking ribs and everyone is done salivating over them and praising me for being the ribmaster of ribmasters, I'm going to sneak outta the office, come home and clean house for my little sister and her boyfriend who are coming to visit this weekend.

THENNNNNN....at 5 p.m. I'm heading over to the pastor's house to meet Susie so we can babysit their baby tonight while the pastor and his wife get out and go see a movie and have some dinner without the baby bothering them.

Did I mention I got up at 4:15??

Did I mention I'm slightly insane???

************************************

So yesterday ... I accompanied my intern to one of our city's oldest restaurants ... The Elite ... to do a story on the restaurant.

It's been around since 1911.

And ... here's an interesting side note that 90% of you could give two shits about ... it was the last place that Hank Williams ever played live in. Two days later, Hank died in the back of a cadillac.

So anyway ... we start grilling the owner on the menu of the restaurant.

The owner says "We have GREAT desserts."

Uh huh. Surrrrre.

No really!

Yeah...right!!

No...really!! If you want, I'll go get you some desserts to try.

Hmmm. Okay, Mr. Trying To Convince Me. Go fetch some desserts.

The first was a slice of raspberry cheesecake.

I thought I had died, been denied admittance to Heaven, and hung out in Purgatory a while. It was THAT DAMNED GOOD.

I thanked him for the dessert and had to admit it was good.

Uh huh. Now...try some of this Mocha Mud Pie.

I'll be honest ... I'm a weird one.

If you call a dessert "Mud Pie"...my simple mind gets the feeling that I'm about to eat something that tastes like mud.

I KNOW it's not mud. But I can't enjoy it because of the name.

Anyway, I took a bite out of that. I could taste the coffee flavor immediately and didn't like it.

"It's good," I lied, as I spat the mouthful of mud pie out onto the floor.

Luckily, my intern loved it and wolfed it all down.

Anyway ... we got full on desserts there and didn't have to eat lunch which was purty cool.

And it was allll free!!

FREE, I'M 'A TELLIN' YA!!!

*****************************************

I have got SUCH a busy weekend lined up.

My sis and her man will be here. So I've gotta entertain them.

My boy Mattie Gee and the Spicolis are part of a Oktoberfest party tomorrow night and I have to go out and videotape them.

Did I ever tell you guys that Mattie has uploaded my "review" of the band on that site?? Where you can see my actual newspaper column? No?? Well ... go here to read it

My sis wants to go out to eat tomorrow night.

Sunday it's church day.

Say goodbye to Sis day.

I've gotta watch and review Ed for Mighty Big TV on Sunday night.

And SOMETIME in that time frame, I have to decorate a hat for a competition that I've entered at our state fair.

Have I already mentioned this??

As time runs out ... I'm at a loss for how to decorate this hat. The best decorated hat gets $100.

I want that hundred bucks.

My only problem? I'm an idiot when it comes to this crap.

The ONLY thing I can think of is to cover it in feathers and put a beak on it and call it a chicken hat.

Is that about the lamest thing you've ever heard since Celine Dion??

Ya know what...I DON'T CARE!!

Right now ... the hat has a roller coaster made out of twisted up newspaper stapled to it.

Lemme tell ya ... the chicken hat would be WORLDS better than a roller coaster hat.

Trust me...I've seen the roller coaster hat. You haven't.

So ... it's shaping up to be a busy next couple of days.

And I HATE busy days.

Alright now...wish me luck on the fashion show thing.

I just hope I don't waddle off the end of the stage.

***************************************

QUESTION OF THE DAY

What was the last contest that you entered and did you win?

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