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07:52:51 - 2000-03-10

I'M SO FREAKIN' LAME

Okay ... I just finished writing 15 more clues for this golden Easter Egg Hunt thing that I'm doing...have I told y'all about that??

I don't remember if I did, if I did that on the other site, if I did it and trashed it or what...so anyway....

I've hidden a golden easter egg in town worth $1,500 in Mall money.

Whooohoooo.

Now, I have to write a clue a day Monday-Friday for our local CBS affiliate, our local top 40 station and our weekly newspaper.

At first I hated writing these clues. I thought I'd have to write 35 clues max. Then I'm told 105 clues MAX.

Then there's the rewrites and the rejects.

Blah blah blah. I bitch because I have to put myself into the brain of the fucking easter bunny for 30 minutes while Jo-Jo the Dog faced boy over here has to flip burgers for a living.

Look Jo-Jo...my apologies. I know I've got it good. And I should be thankful and not bitching that I have to stand over a hot grill all day flipping burgers and when someone at the counter screams "Special Sauce on Two!" I take my paper hat off and shake my greasy assed hair over the grill.

I am thankful.

But dammit...YOU try to be Joe Poet from the mindset of the Easter Bunny when you CAN'T without using the phrase "fucking like bunnies" at least once!!!

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. Forgive me?

You do??

Hug???

(Uncle Bob reaches out, pulls you close and gives you a deep hug, burying his nose into your soft hair and neck. The camera catches a close-up of his face as he grins and winks at it, letting the audience know that all he wanted was a quick cyber grope the whole time.)

That is ... if you're a female reading this. If you're a guy, a firm handshake and a sharp clap on the back should suffice.

Anyway ...the ONLY reason I'm here ... is I actually think I'm getting better at this, IMHO.

Here's a few clues I just wrote. These will all be broken up neatly into four lines...

******

"Waiting anxiously for Letterman? And desperate for a clue?

The Golden Egg is somewhere near nowhere near to you."

This clue is played like minutes before Letterman starts each night. AND where I've hidden the egg is nowhere near anyone if they're watching this in a home or bar.

*******

"When I hid my golden egg, I saw a lady and her daughter,

I'm pretty sure they didn't see me, But I still jumped into the water

That will turn out to be a MAJOR clue...if people figure it out.

********

If you're looking near the Shakespeare Grounds, I guess I should have warned ya,

You'd find that golden egg quicker,If you'd started in California.

Stole that one from the Chili Peppers...

*********

Anyway...I'm amusing the shit out of myself writing these things, but I just got all 15 done, plus a few extras in case these don't fly ... so I'm DOOOOOONE until next week...same bat time...same bad poetry writing-easter bunny clue-giving ass time ...

Okay ... all in favor of Uncle Bob getting something that halfway RESEMBLES a life, please raise your hands.

Mmm-hmmm...that's what I thought. Put your hands down you morons...I can't see you from here.

Sheesh...ME get a life...

Pschaw.

YOU!

You my friend....you're the one sitting here reading this drivel.

Alright...I'm an hour late walking the dog and she's reminding me of that fact right now with sharp barks and deep face scratching. See ya later today with more exciting crap.

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