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09:14:26 - 2000-09-11

MY MEXICAN FRIENDS CALL ME UNCLE-O BOBBO

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING STUDS AND STUDDETTES!!!

Or, as my Mexican friends would say ... Buenos Nachos!!

Wait a goshdarned second here...I DON'T HAVE ANY Mexican friends.

And ... if you want to get technical about it ... I don't have any friends.

*sigh*

Let's just end it all right here. Lemme go get this rope, knife, gun, candlestick and ... and...and...

WAIT!!

WHY END IT NOW???

There's a REASON to keep on living!!!

Because Bob has taken it upon hisself to bring back one of the most popular features Diaryland ever produced!!!

THE ANALYZER!!!

Okay...so The Analyzer is a new tool. But I think it'll remind ya of an old one...

Some of the old school Diarylanders will remember Ianomalolylolyloly's People Pages which were a tres cool way to find other Diarylanders.

Remember, old schoolers??

Well, Bob has PROMISED he won't bail on us!!!

WHOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!

As my Mexican enemies would say ...MUCHO GRASSY ASS!!!

Seriously (wait...YESTERDAY'S entry was serious...today's is fueled by caffeine...my apologies), go to Bob's Analyzer and sign up NOW!!

It's free.

It's quick and easy.

It will get you laid by beautiful people who are disease-free.

Go do it right now. I'll wait.

(Uncle Bob waits.)

Hmmmmm...Hmmm...hummitty hum hum....

(Uncle Bob hums an imaginary tune while he waits and files his nails)

Hummmmm hummmm hum hum hum hummmmmm hum hummmmmm

GREAT! You're back! Told you it wouldn't take long!

Now then...one more request...go visit MY Analyzer page and tell me how great I am and what impeccable hygiene I must have.

Or... you know....something ...

By the by ... Bob and I are NOT related and are NOT the same person.

...Just to clear up any confusion. I'm MUCHO more handsome-o.

...As my Mexican employees would say, anyway...

**************************************

Anybody up for some IRONY???

Anyone???

Heh...Okay ... here goes...

My pastor and his wife are having to put their dog to sleep today.

I know. Irony...thy name is Unka Bawb...eh?

It was pretty sad. The pastor was doing prayer concerns yesterday and asked that the congregation put he and his wife in their prayers as they had to put the dog to sleep.

His face got all red and he had to stop talking for about 10 seconds. It was the most emotional anyone had ever seen him.

I've gotta admit...I not only got teary eyed...but I started feeling something crawl in my soul.

... A little red-eyed demon called "Guilt".

It seems (and I may have written about this already...if I have, I probably made something up, but this is the real scoop) that the Pastor was walking the dog on a leash one day.

Now, the dog is EXTREMELY skittish...it can't STAND to be petted. It was an abused dog that they rescued from the Shelter and could never fully rehabilitate.

So they're walking and a little boy is walking towards them.

Brian (my pastor) warned the boy NOT to pet the dog.

So what does the boy do?

Goes to pet the dog.

What does the dog do?

Takes a bite out of the boy's hand.

So then what does the boy do??

Cries and goes to tell his mother.

What does the mother do??

Demand that the dog be put to sleep.

What does my pastor do??

Try to find another home for the dog or a shelter that would take him in to no avail.

What does the dog do??

The dog goes on living comfortably until about 3:00 this afternoon.

I know I'm making light of it here...but it's truly a sad situation. It's a very loving dog, it just could never get used to being petted.

They've had the dog for years and it was always good with them.

But...they've just adopted a baby about two months ago ... and if you ask me ... this would probably have posed a problem on down the line with him.

As my Mexican weatherman would say "Mucho saddo."

********************************************

Soooo...did ya watch the Emmys last night??

As I did with the MTV Awards last week, I'll give ya my two cents on the show.

* I love Garry Shandling and want to see him host every year.

* I loved the Survivor skit at the beginning.

*I was tickled shitless (yes...I checked...) when "Will and Grace" won its awards. Damn...that's one funny show.

* Geena Davis must have gotten breast implants because she was proud as a peacock in her see-through gown.

* I'm glad they didn't cut Jack Lemmon off during his rambling speech.

* Ummmm...ummmmmm....ummmmmmm.....

I think that's it. Good show all around. I guess I need to start watching "The West Wing".

Then again...maybe not.

***************************************

And finally ... some clarification is apparently in order.

Some of you think you may have pissed me off recently.

Here's where you can tell if you pissed me off or if you're still snug in my good graces.

If I sent you a long email that asked you to no longer correspond with me ... you pissed me off.

If you didn't get that email, you're still my little pinheaded baby.

Coochie coochie coo.

Now then...go check your emails. If there's a long email from me that politely tells you to go fuck a rusty nail ... we are no longer friends.

That should clear things up just fine, don't ya think?

**************************************

Oh yeah...one more thing...jeez...am I EVER gonna get outta here??

I finally updated my 20-year-old College Diary.

For those of you who haven't been following my 20-year-old adventures recently ... I'm now in college...have a steady girlfriend ... and am trying to adjust to being away from my girl.

Many of you reading this diary are 18 and going through the same things I went through.

Many of you AREN'T reading the other diary I keep.

Many of you NEED to.

Because I'm tired of keeping it up and if it doesn't start getting more hits, I'm stopping it.

I swear.

I'm not afraid to put an end to it.

I'm not.

I'll do it.

This isn't an idle threat either.

I will.

I'm Uncle Bob.

I'm crazy like that.

***********************************

QUESTION OF THE DAY

What's your favorite website outside of Diaryland?

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