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1:07 p.m. - 2001-08-30

TAKING MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS

Recently, an extremely irate parent suggested that I may want to think about posting a disclaimer on my site that would warn children under the age of 18 that they shouldn't be reading my journal.

After I politely told the parent to bite my scrotal sac, I started thinking...you know...maybe it IS time I put a disclaimer on the diary.

So here it is...a disclaimer that everyone should read that will keep me from ever being harrassed or sued by the man.

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DISCLAIMER

Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not for everyone. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not recommended for children under the age of 18. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is prohibited by law. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not responsible for loss of limb while viewing Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Be kind to Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has had a bad week. Do not mix Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles with boric acid. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can cause brain damage when taken in small doses on a daily basis. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is banned in China. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is quickly becoming America's favorite pasttime. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a proud member of NORML. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is Y2K compatible. Stroke Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles gently for best results. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles don't take no lip. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles taught Bill Shakespeare everything he knows. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has a dream ... Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles asks not what your country can do for you. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles dances like Fred Astaire with a wooden leg. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles feels like a million bucks, but only in certain places. To heat Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles, place in microwave on high for one minute. Do not lick Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. There are 50 ways to leave Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. The easiest is the "back" button. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles: Don't leave home without it. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not recommended for people with heart conditions. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is amazingly spry for its age. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles needs no introduction. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles feels your pain, especially in your nether region. Be aware that certain complications may arise when using Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles as an antihistamine. No one will be admitted to Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles after the first ten minutes. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles reminds you to buckle up and arrive safe. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can't get next to you. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can prevent red eyes and eye irritation through a revolutionary new chemical. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has never taken it up the ass. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is made from the finest in plastics. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the official home of the Spork. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles sleeps with the fishes. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles realizes this isn't a real disclaimer. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles doesn't care. This is Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Don't like it, lump it. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is licensed by the U.S. Federal Court Martial guy. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles rocks you like a hurricane. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles feels like making love to you. No video cameras are allowed inside Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Patrons of Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles are subject to frisking. And a little more frisking. Then some fondling. Then ... if you could just put Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles's finger in your mouth and suck it gently. Yeah. Just like that. Okay, turn around. God you're beautiful. Let Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles brush the hair out of your eyes. Hey, you have something on those full lips of yours. Let me kiss it off. Mmmmm....mmmmm-mmmmmm. MMMMMMMMMM.... Oh shit. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles taught Jimi Hendrix everything he knew. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is living la vida loca. Do not tease Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can feel the love in the room. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is gonna keep on loving you. Cos it's the only thing it wants to do. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles supports the clubbing of baby seals but only for sporting purposes. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles don't practice Santeria. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles ain't got no crystal ball. If Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles had a million dollars, oh Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles would spend it all. There is no safe way to stare at Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles without risking serious retinal damage. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles loves you like no other. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has been awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for its work in the field of keeping unwed teenage mothers pregnant. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not responsible for sudden hair loss after viewing Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Masturbation is strictly prohibited while viewing Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles unless you stumble across the photo of me flashing you. At that point ... have at it. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles accepts all major credit cards. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is scrumpdillyumpshus. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a fun and exciting way to beat the summer heat. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles contains no additives. Everything is rosy with Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles was the original third member of Milli Vanilli, appropriately titled "Silli." Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not responsible for lost items. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has got him a Chrysler it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail (WHOOOOO!!). Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles may cause side effects such as dizziness, dry mouth and constant giggling. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles loves no man. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles wants to know what love is. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles wants you to show me. Due to circumstances beyond our control, Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles will not be able to accommodate wheelchairs at this point. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not recommended for pregnant mothers, but I'll be damned if it doesn't attract them like flies. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a proud member of the National Goofballs Association. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles taught O.J. how to swing. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a former member of the Harlem Globetrotters, where he played under the name Meadowlark Lemon. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a website among websites. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can rock but rarely rolls. Do not hassle Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles kicks it old school style. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not responsible for sudden death while reading this disclaimer. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles wrote the lyrics to "Candle In The Wind '97" but let that ingrate Bernie Taupin take the credit. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles believes in God but also believes God's patience may be wearing thin with Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is available through mail order only. No CODs with Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles believes I can fly. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has been known to hurt feelings and trash friendships for a laugh. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is good that way. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the proud author of "Angels with Ricotta Cheese in the Corners of Their Mouths: A Book of Prose" available soon. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles's secret fantasy is a threeway with Matt Lauer and Barbara Walters. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is bad, it's nationwide. Keep arms and hands inside Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles at all times. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles accepts no substitutes. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles would like to teach the world to sing, but just doesn't have the time. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles believes in life after love. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is mad about you. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles doesn't fight fair. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can't fight this feeling anymore. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is only for the prevention of pregnancy and not disease. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has no diseases, in case you were wondering. Yes, Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has been checked and is checked on a regular basis. What? You doubted Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles? What kind of sicko are you??? Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a fine, upstanding website that doesn't need to take this kind of crap from you. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is reporting you and hopes you get fired from that minimum wage job of yours, Sparky. Have a good life you cretin. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles doesn't enter buildings from the rooftop. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles runs on AA batteries. Use Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles for fast, painless relief. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is made from materials found in the earth's core. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can't drive 55. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles gives a mean hummer. Children under the age of 3 must have adult supervision when playing with Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Everybody Loves Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Where in the world is Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles? Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a dirty, dirty whore and needs to be spanked with a hairbrush. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles believes in magic as well as My Pretty Pony. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles walks the walk and talks the talk. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles knows where it's at, because it has two turntables and a microphone. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the funk soul brother (check it out now). Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles believes in destroying the Rain Forest. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the artist formerly known as Jim's Webpage. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can blind you with a dazzling smile. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has never been down for the count. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can't drive 55. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles will take guff, but only in small doses. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles grows its own thyme. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can cause brain damage. Do not stare directly at Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can satisfy both men and women equally. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles needs no steenking badges. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can cause sudden weight loss. By using Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles, you have agreed to give up the rights to political correctness. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles cannot be tamed, maimed or framed. There is a movement in Congress to have Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles declared the first cyber national monument. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles was not in the Vietnam War but believes it was a foolhardy effort that sorely soiled this country's patriotism. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has the ability to change the course of history through mind control. If you experience stomach-churning nausea or explosive diarrhea, discontinue use of Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles after a few days of it. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles helped Mary Tyler Moore make it after all. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles perspires but doesn't sweat. Do not use Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles if you are pregnant with an alien baby. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles could whip your butt in a fair fight. Don't screw with Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles reserves the right to smack you around if you get outta hand. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles never buys the first round. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles wants to see that thong. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is comprised of a meaty center dipped in a thin coating of batter. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles will rock your world. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has got the money honey, if you've got the time. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is chock full of vitamins and iron. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the fourth largest city in North Dakota. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has the ability to lift a Ford Ranger with one hand. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles accepts no substitutes. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles knows what it's like to be in love but has never experienced lust. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a P-I-G - PIG! All hail Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the father of a small Mexican child named Pepe. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles won the Grammy for Best New Artist in 1974. Children are frightened by the darkness of Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the star of stage and screen. Scratch off the silver window on Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles to claim your prize. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is addicted to helium. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. Well the first thing you know, ol' Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles's a millionaire, the kin folk said "Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles just move away from there." Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles raises money for children trapped in wells. Speaking of which, keep your kids away from wells, you white trash parents. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles shimmies but rarely shakes. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not everyone's cup of tea. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the devil. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has a minty fresh flavor. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is considered by many to be the 11th Beatle. Worship all that is Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles slays them in Las Vegas. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles makes no bones about it. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles keeps on truckin'. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles once fathered sextuplets but never said anything about it. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has been known to cause uncontrollable urinating in lab rats. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles captured the 1955 Sugar Bowl trophy in dramatic fashion all by itself. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is made of a material that breathes. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can't get no satisfaction. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a wacky new comedy from the creators of "Cheers." Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a walking, talking fire-breathing dragon. Due to restrictions, Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not available in Kansas. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles built it, but they didn't come. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is sixth in the Nascar standings. Eat at Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Why do birds suddenly appear, every time Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is near? Because just like me, they long to be close to Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles was a member of Saturday Night Live's Not Ready For Prime Time Players in 1981. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles won the Congressional Medal of Honor for its courage in the Gulf War. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles weeps at chick flicks. Taunting Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles will result in loss of bowel control. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles shakes, rattles and rolls. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has no idea what the term "smoke a bowl" means. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles listens to your problems and genuinely cares what you feel. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is in it for the money but hasn't made a cent. Add water to Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles and watch it blossom into a beautiful plant. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the former lead guitarist for Humble Pie. Do not attempt to drink and read Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has no political affiliations. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles takes a licking and keeps on ticking. Run, Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles, run. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles 3:16 says I just whupped your ass. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles will bait your hook for you. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is made from a polyurethane fiber that has been scientifically researched and was discovered to cause mental lapses. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is made from a polyurethane fiber that has been scientifically researched and was discovered to cause mental lapses. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is made from a polyurethane fiber that has been scientifically researched to cause mental lapses. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is made from a polyurethane fiber that has been scientifically researched to cause mental lapses. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is made from a polyurethane fiber that has been scientifically researched to cause mental lapses. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has never recorded a duet with Elton John. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles makes no apologies for content within. But Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles makes a mean ham sandwich. If you're not this high, you cannot read Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. If you are pregnant, mentally unstable, rambunctious, thrifty or a sore loser, you may want to stay away from Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles as well. Scientific discoveries have proven that Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles cures cancer in people that don't have cancer. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles rocks the boat baby, but won't tip the boat over. We have nothing to fear but Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles itself. Do not cross Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Do not take ample doses of Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles and attempt to operate heavy machinery. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not responsible for lost items. Refrigerate Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles after opening. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is made with natural fruit juices. Put a dime-sized amount of Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles into hands and rub until dry. Do not feed Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Apply Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles directly to cuts, burns and scrapes for instant relief. The Greek Orthodox Church does not approve Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the real thing. In case of eye contact, flush Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles thoroughly. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles comes with money back guarantee, but details are sketchy. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has lived its life like a Candle in the Wind. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a healthy alternative to chemotherapy. You can't eat just one Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles cuts the mustard but rarely the cheese. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles knows no limits. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has nowhere to go but up, unless you count "sideways." Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles had a hand in writing "We Are The World." Repeated exposure to Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has been known to prevent impotence. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can whip any man in the room and steal any man's lady. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles sleeps on its side. Do not leave Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles on for extended periods of time. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles plays the hits from the 70s, 80s and 90s. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles knows what time it is. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a fly mack daddy pimp. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is personal friends with Greg Kinnear, Mel and that bass player from Counting Crows. Keep children away from Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Don't even let them smell it. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not recommended as a sexual lubricant. Shake well before using Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles knows no boundaries. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the "Titanic" of personal web pages. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles stumbles but rarely falls. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can't complain. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles pissed in his own Wheaties this morning and actually enjoyed the cool, refreshing taste. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles was born a poor black child. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles played Uncle Fester in the original "Addams Family." Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles never uses that really bad "c" word that offends women and reprimands those guys that do. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles went from rags to riches to white trash bitches. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles loves you, you love me, we're a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you something blah blah blah. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles knows what it sounds like when doves cry but isn't talking. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles won't wear makeup, but doesn't mind a little rouge every now and then in the bedroom. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles can't believe he just said that. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles begs for you to forget that last remark. God, Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is so embarrassed. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles will be going now. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles really thinks it's time you got a job. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is best used under medical supervision. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles may cause cramping of the throat. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles whips up an out-of-this-world rumcake. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles was under no means responsible for the downhill spiral "Mad About You" suffered for the last several years. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles makes a lovely Christmas gift. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a registered trademark of Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Certain breeds of dogs may experience a slight burning sensation while they urinate after being exposed to Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. If this occurs, simply rub the dog's genitalia with a feather for thirty minutes afterwards. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles will leave some viewers tongue tied and twisted. If this occurs, massage one's tongue against the colon of the nearest Uncle Bob for fast acting relief. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles has to get in the shower before the Orkin Man gets here. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles likes them stirred...not shaken. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles would make a wish on an eyelash, but c'mon...that's just wishful thinking. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a safe alternative to illegal drugs. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles spares no feelings when berating others. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is full of whole-wheat goodness! Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles played "Mr. Roper" on "Three's Company" for two seasons. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles makes Tracy Lords look like a nun. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a proud, gun-toting member of the NBA. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the one who decided professional wrestling should be fake and not real. Everybody loves Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles would have married Bonnie Franklin, just to get to Mackenzie Phillips to marry her just to get to Chyna Phillips. Because Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles plays that game. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles could use some water. Hell hath no fury like Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the website that cares. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is a contributor to many local charities including "Guys Against Young Humpers" and "The Stupid Bastard Association" (SBA). Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles dashes to and fro. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is not a rocking horse. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the former shrine to Erik Estrada, but was forced to change into its present format after lawsuits from Mr. Estrada's people. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is always on time. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles does the hippy hippy shake. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles feels your pain, just not physically. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles rocks the house like no other. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles knows what time it is. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is the flyest, deffest website on the web. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles behaves. Would you like to shag Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles, would ya baby? Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles is made with beef by-products, which is essentially, possum lips. Uncle Bobs Diary o Chuckles IS the Weakest Linkgoodbye.

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