STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES, BUT COMING UP WITH NAMES HURTS ME

My God.

I just answered 26 emails, congratulating me on my impending bundle of flesh.

Damn. I'm worn out and it's only 5 a.m.

My dear friend and former editor Wendigo said she couldn't wait to hear the baby names.

Then, the always sexy and entertaining Kelly suggested a contest to name Uncle Bob's child.

Which made me think .... hmmmm ...why don't I write a quick entry on some of the names we are currently considering?

It sure beats the "The First Time I Masturbated and Blood Came Out" entry that I WAS preparing...

Heheheh...I kill me...

That said...here's some of my early choices for baby names:

BOY'S NAMES

God Zilla Bobber

Trash Can Bobber ("Trash Bobber" sounds like a cool Football player name)

Ugly Fetus Bobber(call it "Ug")

Charlie Manson Bobber

Elian Gonzales Bobber(Going for trendy here...)

Hummin Bobber

Stanley (I would not allow it to have a last name with this one. I think Stanley can stand on its own ...like Madonna, Sting or Bill)

Lil' Shit Bobber(Which is probably what I'll be calling it anyway ... "Get this Lil' Shit outta here"..."What are you doing now, you lil' Shit?")

Dlove Bobber(You gotta admit...it sounds cool. He'll be the only pimp in the first grade)

Stone Cold Steve Bobber

GIRL'S NAMES

Trailer Trash Bobber(I'm big on Trash)

Old Spice Bobber

Britney Spears Bobber

Myparents Hateme Bobber

LaShonda Bobber

Banky Bobber

This Seemed Really Funny At The Time Bobber

Ima Mistake Bobber

Oprah Bobber

Funky Asshead Bobber

Anyway ... that should be a start on the contest. If you have any suggestions...by God...leave them on the Message Board down below. That's what it's there for.

Truthfully...I have ALWAYS liked "Amanda Jane" for a little girl. There's so many variations on the name...Amanda, Amy, Mandy, Manda, Jane, A.J. The kid could have a new name every year.

But boys...I have no idea. "Steve" is what I keep thinking. I want something normal that can't be made fun of. That's why Godzilla Bobber sounds so cool...I mean...who's gonna screw around with Godzilla???

WIFE UPDATE:

Last night, on her way to a basket party (don't ask...I have no idea...she's probably having an affair...), she had to pull over quickly off the side of the road to vomit.

Which...you guessed it...made me cry. Any time she shows a pregnancy symptom I get all goofy.

I'm pretty sure the makers of Kleenex are having to work overtime in the factories to keep up with my crybaby ass.

I have GOT to get adjusted to this whole impending fatherhood thing or I'm going to be the first person in the world to be on the "Crying Diet" where you can lose ten pounds a week through tears.

Jeez Louise.

Hey...have a GREAT day!! Thanks to everyone who sent the kind words my way ... you will never know how much I appreciate each and every one of you.