TELLING THE TRUTH FOR A CHANGE OF PACE

Is it just me or do you get better looking every single day?

Must be me...

Hey...my girl Malkavia has agreed to tackle the Diary-a-thon project that I thunked up a while back starting this Sunday morning.

She has promised me that readers will be able to get 24 normal diary entries in 24 hours, beginning Sunday morning at 6 a.m. and continuing through Monday morning at 6 a.m.

This was something that I thought I wanted to do, but after thinking about it, I knew I probably didn't really want to do it.

Kind of like skydiving, bungee jumping and performing oral sex on Oprah. All fine ideas at their initial conception, but when reality sets in that I could DIE in these situations, the adrenaline settles back down quickly.

But the Malkster's gonna give it a shot. Tune in to her site beginning Sunday at 6 a.m. for 24 exciting entries in a row.

Tell her Uncle Bob sent ya. Just lean into your monitor and whisper "Uncle Bob sent me."

She'll know what you mean.

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Well...yesterday was the day that my new computer came in.

The last words Senor Shitbreath said to me on Monday was "I promise it will be in by Thursday at the latest and I will call you as soon as it comes in."

Here's something I've learned about Circuit F'n City. They treat you like a fucking king while they're trying to make that sale.

But as soon as they get your money, that customer courtesy goes straight out the window.

I did NOT receive a call yesterday. I know damned good and well that my computer is sitting up in the warehouse three miles from my home with a note on it saying "Call this bastard, Senor Shitbreath."

And the sniveling, wimpy little sales boy is scared shitless to call me because he knows how angry this has all made me and there's a distinct chance I'll thrash him if I have to see him one more time.

This is yet ONE MORE THING I can bring up to the manager of the store when and if I return this latest computer. Right on my receipt it says "Your Sales Associate will notify you when your product is received."

Gosh...can ya believe the little fucker forgot to call me??

Heh.

I don't give a poop. My old computer, although slow, is at least reliable.

I'm debating on how long I should wait before I finally call to see if it's come in.

Hell...knowing me it'll be 10 a.m. today when I call like an excited puppy about to piss all over the carpet.

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Watched a pretty cool movie yesterday..."Go".

I had been wanting to see it since it came out, but since I abhor going to the movie theater I waited for it on cable.

Good flick. I had heard it was "Pulp Fiction Jr." and that wasn't too far from the truth. Well directed and acted.

I really wanna watch it again soon. That's how much I dug it. It's on Cinemax these days. If you haven't seen it, check it out.

And for such a violent movie...nobody dies in it. Not that I recall anyway.

Tres cool.

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We're supposed to go to a friend of mine's birthday party tomorrow night.

She's a former news anchor here in the city.

I used to watch her on TV and think "Geez...she's so poised and professional."

Holy shit was I wrong.

She's as big a horndog as your average joe on the street.

I've seen her dry hump a fire hydrant for God's sakes.

It's a Hawaiian luau with this band "Fez" playing. Apparently, these guys play alternative surf music.

I know. That's what I said.

"Fun, fun, fun."

We'll probably end up skipping the bash. I hate parties anyway.

Now that Susie's pregnant, that's my big excuse to get out of anything that takes place at night.

"Sorry. Can't come to the party. Susie just vomited a '57 Chevy. We're pregnant you know."

"Sorry. Can't come to the ball. Susie feels like the guy in Alien who had the monster spurt out his belly. We're pregnant you know."

"Sorry. Can't come to the fund raiser. Susie's fat. We're pregnant you know."

THEN ... when the kid is born...hoo boy...I'll never have to attend another function again.

I CAN'T WAIT!!

This child is going to be my meal ticket when it comes to getting out of crap.

I love it already.