A PITIFUL ENTRY

*Yawn*

Waddap??

I've gotta go on the radio this morning. Every time I'm asked to come on someone's show, I always think "THIS is my big radio break!!" Then I usually get so excited that I wet my pants, groan, and go change.

I don't know why I'm so infatuated with being on the radio. Radio deejays make less money than me, which isn't saying a whole helluva lot. They're some of the nastiest, grungiest fucks walking the planet. And they ALL have the attitude that they're better than everyone else.

Still ... I was born to do radio. I have the voice...

Ahem....

"Hello Diarylanders, this is your olllllld Uncle Bob, spinning the wax that make the tracks, the hits that give you the shits and the songs that make your dick long....it's 10:23 in the Capital City and I'm not wearing any pants. Let's live la vida loca together, you hot, horny bitches..."

See??

Yet ... every time I've ever been on, I'm about as entertaining as an instruction booklet. I never wanna get too "Uncle Bob" because it's not my show and I don't want to step on the host's toes. If I did though, I guarantee you, Howard Stern would be on the unemployment line tomorrow.

The REASON I'm going on the airwaves today is because I'm one of two people in town who knows where THE GOLDEN EGG is.

The Golden Egg is an egg that's worth thousands of dollars.

Last night, I went and hid it somewhere in this city.

I felt like such a spy last night hiding the egg. It's in a fairly well lit area and I KNOW a guy was watching me hide it. I just hope he didn't go over to it after I left and snatched it.

I've had to write over 100 clues on where it is. The clues will be read over the radio, on television and in the newspapers starting today.

And I'm reading the first one today on the radio.

You wanna clue??

Okay...it's somewhere in Montgomery, Alabama.

Tee hee. I'm SUCH an imp!

Lemme see...what else is new....

I've gotta write some STUPID ASSED story today about some old lady that takes flowers from weddings, funerals, etc., frames them and calls it "art."

Whoopdeeshit.

Sorry Granny. Looks like dead flowers in a frame to me. I seriously doubt Monet would be impressed either.

I cooked stuffed green peppers for the first time last night. Susie loved 'em. I wasn't all that impressed. Tasted like the world's most fucked-up pizza to me. Anyway...there's two left in the fridge....anybody want 'em??

I visited the new IRC channel DIARYLAND yesterday. I saw Sea,Iperchik,and Artsy Kelly. As with ALL IRC channels ... it was pretty dull. Kelly and Iper were talking at one point, but my head hurt so I went and laid down. Anyway...if you want to visit, go to IRC to US undernet. Maybe the idea will catch on and the channel will get cool.

Personally, I've had my fill of IRC. I was hooked for years on it.

And it damned near destroyed my life. So now I do it in moderation. Maybe once a month, if that much.

I made tons of great friends on IRC. But it's just not my cup of tea anymore.

Anyway...this entry is long and incredibly boring enough. I wasn't really into writing today in case you couldn't tell. Maybe tonight will be better.

Take care.

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If you loved me, you'd leave me A MESSAGE .

If you want to read my diary from 1980 when UNCLE BOB was 18 and pitiful , CLICK HERE

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