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5:59 a.m. - 2001-06-20

PSYCHOS NEED NOT APPLY

You know...I really can't think of much that happened yesterday that was of interest.

Oh ... here's something fairly amusing...

The daughter of our sales manager (we'll call her Sara ... because that's her name) came by the office on Monday.

Drunk-assed Jamie told her that I was leaving the company to go work for C.C.I.

Sara used to work for C.C.I. She got "laid off" while there. The truth is ... she's a major psycho and the management let her off gently because they were literally afraid she was going to explode there one day and go nuts. She's basically a powderkeg waiting to explode.

She has issues.

This is the God's truth.

So anyway, Jamie tells her I'm going over there and she says "Yeah, I heard. Just be careful Uncle Bob. They like to fire people over there without any notice. They suck."

Of course, she thinks they just let her go because they wanted to...she's too wrapped up in herself to realize she's a fucking psycho that frightens people.

I was all like "Okay Sara...I'll watch out for myself. Thanks for the advice."

You know...agreeing with her because at the time she was behind the wheel of her car and I didn't want her to mow me down for disagreeing with her.

Okay...so that took place on Monday.

Yesterday (Tuesday), Sara walks into the office, walks right over to my desk and says "Guess where I'm going to be working!!"

I didn't hesitate.

"C.C.I.?" I ask.

"YES!" she gushes. "I went to an employment agency and they said that C.C.I. had a few positions open and they're going to get me hired over there!!"

"Wow," I said, trying desperately to sound excited but failing miserably. "Congratulations."

"You and I will be working together!" she says.

"Wow," I say again. "That'll be fun."

(You know...it won't really be fun. I just said that because I didn't want her to try and decapitate me with a letter opener)

"I can't wait!" she says with a squeal. "This is going to be GREAT!"

She then leaves the room.

I instantly call up Wendi, my new boss.

"Wendi," I said. "Guess who says they're coming back to work for C.C.I.?"

Wendi doesn't have a clue.

"Sara," I say.

Wendi laughs.

"No she's not," Wendi says.

I explained how Sara went to an employment agency and how they said they would call C.C.I. and set up an appointment for her, blah blah blah.

Wendi assured me that Sara wouldn't even get her psychotic foot in the door.

This Sara is sooooo strange. The girl literally thinks that because an employment agency says that they're going to call her old job and get her an appointment, it automatically means that she's going to get a job there.

To the best of Wendi's knowledge, there's not even a job opening at C.C.I. that Sara would be qualified for.

Anyway.

That was the highlight of my day.

Told you nothing happened that was interesting.


I had my intern Bernie sit with me for most of the day, trying to absorb what I do on Deadline Day.

I'm the world's worst teacher when it comes to things like that. I'll put a page together quietly and when I'm done, I'll say "Did you see that?"

That's my idea of teaching.

Bernie is a whiz kid though, and I don't think he'll have any problem figuring it out.

Then again...I don't care. Once I leave, this company is on its own.

I mean, I like Bernie and all, but he's just a band-aid on the problem. Bernie's going to help the company out for three weeks and then be gone permanently. So it's not like I'm leaving him high and dry for a long period of time.

But nobody really knows how to do my job or the little things I do each week that get unnoticed that are important parts of the process.

I have to work on some sort of "manual" that will show my co-workers how to do my job. I think Rule Number One will be "Don't ever, EVER call me at my new job and ask me how to cut and paste a document just because you're a moron."

I hope it works.


That's all I've got to say today. I'm running kinda late...Andy's got a doctor's appointment in two hours and I've gotta get showered, him dressed, etc.

Soooo...take care chill'uns. Stay out of the briar patch.

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