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5:17 a.m. - 2000-10-26

AM I HOT OR ARE YOU ABOUT TO REGURGITATE?

Man oh man...

I found the ultimate time-wasting site yesterday. And yeah ... I'm probably the LAST guy to have found it and all y'all probably already know about it and I'm going to look like an idiot when I tell y'all about the site because you're going to sit there and roll your eyes and say "Oh Uncle Bob...that site is soooooo August".

Screw ya, you ungrateful little monkey. I dug it and just found it.

It's called Am I Hot Or Not?. All you do is sit and look at pictures of people and determine if you think they're hot or not on a scale of 1-10.

Sounds about as addictive as chewing broken glass, huh? Well guess what, Flatfoot?? I DARE you to spend less than five minutes on the site.

I sat on it for an hour last night and STILL needed to be dragged off of there.

It takes balls to post your picture on this site. You're GOING to get a bad score ... there's no two ways about it. There's photos of models on there that average a 5.4. I would think it'd be a pretty big blow to the self esteem to have your photo on the site.

....Soooooo....that's why me and Mattie Gee put our buddy Jamie's photo on the site.

So far...Jamie is NOT a hit with the ladies. Currently, he's averaging a 2.4 which is actually pretty good for a guy that looks like a cross between Uncle Fester from the Addams Family and a serial killer.

Anyway ... if you've ever wanted to know if you're hot or not...I strongly suggest submitting your photo. Then let Diaryland know you're there and we'll all go check you out and say "WHOA!! Now this is ONE HOT PERSON!!"

...And we'll all give you a 3 ...

So take the Uncle Bob challenge...go vote for my buddy Jamie, then I DARE you to stay on the site less than five minutes. Unless you have an incredibly slow machine, you will be on the site for quite a while.

I guarantee it.

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I've got a zit on my chin and my forehead this morning. Both pretty small...both pretty painful.

I'm 38 years old.

This shit NEVER ends, kids.

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Went on a mini-shopping spree last night.

I got a new tripod for the video camera. The old one I had was loaned to me by Mattie Gee and it was one that he had found at a sorority house after a gig that he and his band had played. Nobody had claimed the tripod, so he took it.

It was a cheap piece of plastic that was fine for a regular camera, but couldn't hold a video camera very well.

Anyway...my new one is AWESOME!!!

I never thought I'd get excited about a tripod, but compared to the other one, this one kicks righteous ass, babes.

Ironically ... when I get sexually excited, my body forms a tripod of sorts.

Tee hee!

I'm SUCH an imp!!

We also finally bought a stroller for Andrew, some more Winnie the Pooh borders for his room, and something else that really wasn't important enough for me to remember right now.

Then we came home and decorated his room with Winnie The Pooh stick-em-ups...big vinyl cartoon characters all over the walls. We took a look around his room, and this kid has sooooo much Pooh stuff it's unbelievable. I have a feeling he's going to grow up to resent the shit outta Pooh.

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I talked to the guy that I did some freelance work for this past weekend yesterday. I had sent him the story I wrote and he loved it. Now he wants me to come write for him and his business (a hunting/fishing magazine) full time.

I'm kinda torn. On the one hand, I HATE hunting and fishing. I've fished a handful of times in my life and never hunted.

On the other hand, it's an old buddy of mine who is the owner of the magazine and I KNOW he'll take care of me financially and he'd be a helluva lot of fun to work for.

But I've been with the newspaper for ten years and every day I get to meet and talk with new and exciting people.

Today I interview the city's sheriff. Not exactly exciting...but it's always good to be buddies with the sheriff when you get pulled over with a beer between your legs and a joint between your fingers.

Not that I do either anymore. But a man can always slide.

I told him to wait until after the baby is born and then we can start talking bidness.

He agreed and told me he loved me.

I told him I loved him.

We french kissed for what seemed like hours and that's when I realized I'm bisexual.

Well...not really. We talked on the phone...nobody admitted love for another, we're both devout heterosexual men and if I was going to french kiss a man, it wouldn't be him and it'd be for at LEAST $10,000.

...Just to clarify things...

*****************************************

I was watching the Daily Show last night and Jon Stewart had two of the Spice Girls on his show...Baby and Posh Spice.

Baby (always my favorite...but she looked like week-old meat loaf last night) was very sweet and cordial.

But that Posh Spice needs a foot in her ass. She told Jon "I don't see why everyone thinks you're so funny" and "Why's everyone laughing...you're not funny". And telling him how she liked British humor and American humor sucked...that kinda stuff.

Ol' Jon was visibly taken aback by her steady stream of meanness as she just sat there stone-faced and tore him down.

Now then...

You are a fucking SPICE GIRL, BITCH. How DARE you think that you have a future in show business. You've had ... what? Four hits maybe?? Your movie tanked horribly ... your little fans have all grown up and moved on to other bands they can worship ... oh... and these other bands include BOYS, so your little fans have no plans to look back and reconnect with your little Spice Girls act again. I think if you were smart, POSH FUCKING SPICE, you would realize that the end is near for your bastardized career and you'd start treating people a little bit nicer when fucking television cameras are rolling, you ungrateful little skank assed whore. If you REALLY think you endeared yourself to America by your nasty little snipings on our hero and NEXT PRESIDENT, Jon Stewart ... you're so fucking wrong you could be DEAD RIGHT and you'd still be wrong.

Ahhhh...I'm glad I got that off my chest.

....But I'd still give her a 9 on the Am I Hot Or Not site ... I may be pissed, but she's still one Hot babe.

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QUESTION OF THE DAY

Would you (Have you) put your picture on a site that let others judge you by your physical appearance?

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