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10:29:10 - 2001-01-22

I'M SICK, ANDY'S SICK AND MY FRIEND'S A DICK

Eeeee gads!

I do not feel well this morning. While the flu has been dancing all around me for weeks, with everyone I know grabbing a taste of it here and there, I have managed to emerge from each day unscathed by its venomous grip.

Now I feel like I ate a tub of Country Crock margarine upside down.

SICK, I'm 'a tellin' ya.

Still...I trudge on.

Trudge, trudge, trudge.

_________________________________

I woke up from a DEPRESSING dream this morning.

As you ALL know by now ... my man Mattie Gee is leaving my workplace to go somewhere else to steal a paycheck.

M.G. and I have worked together for several years and will still be working on a few projects together.

But in my dream ... well ... he was already GONE from work.

And it was JUST SOOOOO depressing.

We have lunch together nearly every day. We carpool together a few times a week.

We're like brothers, except we're not brothers.

And it took a dream for me to realize that my brother's leaving me with some new numbnuts that I probably won't like taking his place.

This sucks.

In fact, if I may be so bold ... it sucks shit.

I'm still depressed and I still feel like shit.

This is NOT a good way to start your Monday.

____________________________________________

For the record ... I've cut back adding new recruits to the "Army" every day and only add new people on Mondays.

I know, I know...for those of you asking politely to be included in this list of lovable lunkheads ... this sucks.

But hey, I'm a lazy bastard. Deal with it.

____________________________________________

Andy is starting to feel under the weather, which I guess is one of the perils of having a kid born during the winter.

He VOMITED on me four times yesterday. Not "spit up". VOMITED.

It didn't seem to bother him in the least. He was cool with it.

In fact, he hasn't really complained at all about his condition, so he may NOT be getting sick.

But he puked, he sounds congested and his eyes have been rolled back in his head since Saturday.

Okay...the eyes thing was a lie. I just threw that in for dramatic effect.

Still, I bought him a Vaporizer for his room to help him breathe better.

I just checked on him a few minutes ago and I didn't hear any of the raspiness that he had Saturday.

I AM one of those parents who goes into their child's room and lightly touches them while they're asleep to see if they're still alive.

I never thought I'd be one of those.

Yet ... here I stand, bathed in the light of his little Winnie the Pooh nightlight, touching him like a five-dollar hooker.

He hasn't died yet.

I think we may be in the clear.

____________________________________________

I was asked to be on the evangelism board for church this year and graciously accepted.

I just wish I had asked what being on the evangelism board means.

Apparently, I'm going to be RECRUITING new people to come to our church.

Uncle Bob. Religious recruiter.

Good Lord.

This HAS to be a sign of Armageddon, isn't it???

____________________________________________

I didn't watch any of the Inauguration stuff the other day.

I didn't vote.

I don't care.

We're heading towards a recession.

Depression.

Whatever.

I just want to make sure I have paychecks rolling in.

That's all that matters to me.

Well ... that and the hopes that the WWF doesn't fold.

Heh.

I positively SLAY me.

____________________________________________

I feel dizzy and lightheaded.

I took a pain pill before I went to bed last night for this nagging shoulder injury that I received while working out the other day.

Yes.

Working out.

You heard the fat boy right.

Of course, my idea of working out consists of using the Ab Flex machine for three minutes a day to achieve firmer, tighter abs.

Hell.

I'm so fat I didn't even know I HAD abs.

____________________________________________

We had a potluck dinner at church last night and I wound up sitting next to the church's meanest little hellion, Chandler, age 3.

Chandler is notorious for being hyper, mean and a rambunctious little boy.

I made fun of the way he dipped his chicken in ketchup.

He responded by showing me what ketchup-covered chicken looked like all chewed up.

So I chewed up a brownie and showed him what THAT looked like.

Yes.

We bonded.

____________________________________________

My "buddy" Scott left yesterday to go home to Indiana.

I finished his 61-page journal yesterday as well. It was definitly a page turner. Mainly because I wanted to see just HOW BAD it would get.

It was BAD.

The majority of the journal talks about his faith in God and babbles on and on and on about his opinions on what God wants him to do.

It's SUCH a cop-out to me.

First ... Scott REFUSES to go to any church. He hates the hypocrisy found in most churches. Me? I thrive on that hypocrisy. Hell. I AM a hypocrit. Have been for years, thankyouverymuch.

Second ... he repeats himself all through the book. I'm paraphrasing here, but it's basically "God wants my wife to work real hard and earn all the money and support the family, while I sit in our trailer and write horrid crap that I KNOW will never put a chicken wing on our dinner table."

He admits his writings will never make a dime. He ADMITS THAT.

Still...he trudges along.

Trudge, trudge, trudge.

How many women would work 50 hours a week to support her family while her husband sat at home every day and played around on something that would never make a penny?

My guess is ...ohhh...around....hmmmmm...NOT MANY.

She's just glad to have anybody paying attention to her, I guess.

Scott (at one time)was a dead ringer for Rob Lowe. He was told that constantly in bars and got quite a lot of mileage out of his good looks when I first met him.

He's still a fairly handsome guy. His wife is okay, but has the self-esteem of a retarded duck.

And I'm guessing that's why she puts up with his shit.

Anyway ... this journal was a laugh riot. When he wasn't expounding his theories of religion, he was bitching about their truck breaking down EVERY SINGLE DAY while on the road to Alaska and back from Indiana.

They ran out of money in Idaho.

They didn't take into consideration the fact that gas prices were SOARING last summer, the truck only got seven miles to the gallon and they had a kid in the back seat who was bored stiff.

They were paying two hundred dollars a DAY in gasoline.

Their kid was going catatonic and growing more and more paranoid by the day.

...And I got to read all about it and laugh my ass off on the few occasions that I was able to decipher what he was trying to say.

I'm hoping this trip taught him that maybe it's time to get a job and quit taking his family on three-month long "vacations" just because he's scared to actually fill out a job application.

Sadly ... I doubt that's the case.

_________________________________

QUESTION OF THE DAY

How many women would work 50 hours a week to support her family while her husband sat at home every day and played around on something that would never make a penny?

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