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10:32:40 - 2000-09-17

MY "UNCLE BOB DAY" SUCKED SHIT

PHYSICAL UPDATE: My wrist barely hurts, my elbow is still tender, and I can fucking see like the Six Million Dollar Man now with all the blurred vision now gone. So why the hell do I need glasses??

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So yesterday was what me and the Mrs. call an "Uncle Bob Day".

Which means we spent a shitload of money on me.

Soooo...guess what I got??

Well...I got two DVDs ... "Boogie Nights" and "This Is Spinal Tap". I'll probably never get around to watching either of them.

I also got a camcorder.

Whooohoooo.

I spent a whole lot more money than I thought I would. But I got one.

We went into the store and I had a couple of prerequisites on my mind.

A) The first salesman who bothered to help me was getting a nice commission from me.

B) I wasn't going to buy the cheapest or the most expensive camcorder. Something in between.

C) I wanted a camcorder that would somehow make my penis look bigger on film.

Our salesman, a proper lil' chap named Alex, decided that he wanted to sell me the most expensive camcorder in the store.

I purposely went in there wearing t-shirt and shorts so it looked like I didn't have the money to spend on an expensive camcorder. If you go in looking nice, they smell your money and steer you toward the top of the line models.

I bought the most expensive camcorder these bastards had.

It's a Sony DVSRERFUCKYOURSCRDWR 520.

... Or something like that.

It's also a digital camera.

It can also transfer the film I shoot onto a CD so that I can make DVDs of the baby at home.

And it has a "stretch" feature which makes my tallywhacker look like Long Dong Silver's.

(For you children, Long Dong Silver was a black porn actor in the 70's who was renowned for his generous penisology)

The total price was just over $1,500, which makes this damned thing as expensive as my computer.

BUT!!! I got a FREE carrying case!!!

Soooo...I've gotta learn how to use this bad boy and then I will be posting pictures and movies on the Web at lightning speed, baby.

Can't ya hardly WAIT???

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Ordered Papa John's pizza last night.

SPECIFICALLY ordered a thin crust pizza.

They delivered a regular crust pizza.

I plan on burning down the Papa John's nearest me sometime late tonight.

... And videotaping the whole she-bang.

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We had a cold front come through the state Friday which has left the state with window-opening temperatures.

I LOVE sleeping with the windows open. It's almost like sleeping in the wilderness, except I'm in my bedroom in a subdivision with dogs barking rather than owls hooting.

Alright. It's NOTHING like sleeping in the wilderness.

But I still love sleeping with the windows open. It's like sleeping in my bed except with the windows open instead of the air conditioning running.

Better???

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Tennessee lost to Florida yesterday.

I'm still rather pissy about the whole affair.

Between that and the Papa John's pizza ... they royally fucked up my day.

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Today I'm not going to wear my sling to church.

Which means every Tom Dick and Harry are going to want to pump my hand like I'm completely better.

Every time I shake hands, it's painful.

But I'm so damned tired of that sling.

The last time I saw the doctor (16 days ago) I asked him how long I should wear the sling.

"Wear it until I tell you not to," he said.

I think he forgot to call me to tell me to take it off.

I'm beginning to get pissed with him, too. If he doesn't shape up soon, I'm burning his house down.

...And of course...videotaping the damage.

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My dog loves pizza crust, but it gives her severe diarrhea.

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We have a potluck dinner at church to go to tonight.

I was seriously thinking about buying a bag of weed and making some brownies and getting everyone stoned.

Then Susie reminded me it wasn't THAT kind of "potluck".

Damn.

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