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11:42 a.m. - 2001-07-24

SIX DISTURBING THOUGHTS

Katie Couric says “What up wit dat?” to every single person she interviews and it’s only a matter of time before she insults Nelson Mandela with the phrase.

If Cracker Barrel had a drive-thru, I’d be the size of a Pinto.

Parents are getting a little too giddy to blame pro wrestling every time a kid dies. I don’t know. I doubt seriously Stone Cold Steve Austin is popping out of closets in your double-wides and giving stunners to every kid in the room every time your back is turned.

The little boy whose arm got munched off by a shark? His parents are now trying to say that the shark learned how to bite little kids’ arms off by watching wrestling.

Katherine Hepburn had a urinary tract infection. She’s 94 years old and has Parkinson’s Disease. You tell me ONE SINGLE DOCTOR on this earth that really wanted to inspect this woman’s trembling old coochie.

I finally officially copped to having three other

diaries because I was tired of doing them for the last 15 months. So now the secret's officially out.

And that, my friend...is disturbing.

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