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1:11 p.m. - 2001-10-25

I'M SURE THERE'S SOME STARVING VAMPIRES IN TRANSYLVANIA THAT COULD USE OUR HELP

You know, I thought this might happen, but I didn't want to say anything. Basically, a lot of blood that was donated after the September 11th tragedies has to be destroyed simply because there weren't enough survivors for all the blood.

I fully intended on giving blood afterwards. We had a blood drive at church that I was going to participate in. But I changed my mind when it was announced rescuers hadn't found many survivors days later combined with the fact that doctors were telling me that my blood had sugar cubes floating around in it. I had so much sugar in my blood that the nurses were enjoying a stack of flapjacks with my blood poured on top while the doctor spoke with me. I mean...THAT'S SUGARY!!!

Heh. I positively slay me.

Anyway, it's sad that all that blood has to be destroyed.

So, I'd like to offer a moment of silence for all those pints of blood that are having to be destroyed.

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...urp...

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....sorry...chicken sandwich for lunch...

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There now I feel much better. Much better indeed.

So to all of you who ran to your local blood banks and let them rip your arms open to donate blood, YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS!!!

BAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

...Not really, of course. I'm just playing. These days, I have to include disclaimers with my jokes to let certain people know that I'm just kidding so they don't sprain a finger firing off a nasty email to me telling me how much they hate me.

Some people...tsk tsk tsk.


I was a bad widdle boy at lunch today.

Edweird and I went to Toys 'R' Us at lunch because he wanted to buy some Play Station games during their promotion of buy two games get the third for free deal. I kinda grew out of the whole Play Station phase a few years back. It was cool at first ... and then I sobered up. Now, it's like every single game that comes out gets promoted with the overused phrase (in the tone of The Simpsons' Comic Book Store Owner's voice)..."Best game ever." Excuse me, but that little promo tool is getting mighty old. Until I can find a video game that delivers the exact sensation of Tara Reid giving me a lap dance, I'm not going to fall for that "Best Game Ever" shit anymore.

Anyway...Edweird gets his three little games and I bought Andy ANOTHER birthday present. A really cool police car that he can ride on that has all kindsa buttons he can push that make sounds and voices and it's just so freakin' cool!!!

It's the best toy ever!!!

I also got him one of those books with all the buttons on the side that make noises when you push them. You've seen them. You know what I'm talking about . Don't make me explain myself any further. It ain't happenin'.

It's the book for "The Tigger Movie".

I know!!!

He's just going to DIE!!!

He's going to open these presents and just keel over and croak.

I'll have to do CPR on the kid...pounding his little chest like a punching bag, trying to revive him.

These are the gifts I'm hiding from Susie. Here's my train of thought, jump on and follow it with me, si vous plais (That there is some French talk, meaning "If you please". I'm bilingual but not in French.)

Y'see...if Susie doesn't know about these gifts then she can't bitch about them at me. And then, when his birthday comes up next week, I can bring them out and when she sees his face light up with excitement, there will be no way she can get mad at me for spoiling the boy, is there?

Is there???

So WHAT if I spoil the kid? I've been waiting all my life for the little guy. And it's NOT MY FAULT that I'm spoiling him. If the damned toy manufacturers would slow up their production schedules, there wouldn't be as many toys to buy for him. So...blame the toy companies, honey. Don't blame me.

I'm just trying to convince myself here, aren't I?


I called my old buddy Janie just now.

Janie is a choreographer for the local ballet. We became good friends because I always did stories on the ballet (do stories on the ballet...get free tickets to the ballet ... wife likes ballet...wife gets good seats at the ballet...you do the math). Anyway, I hadn't talked to Janie since I left the paper in June, and she had sent me an invitation to an upcoming champagne reception for a ballet so I called her to tell her hell no I wasn't coming.

...Well...it takes place the evening that I'm having my heart catherization done. So I didn't think I'd really be up for the ballet that evening after people were jabbing at my heart all day.

But we talked for about ten minutes. Granted ... most of the talk was about how much she missed me and I felt so strange saying "Oh, I miss you too!" Especially when we just live a few miles away from each other.

Anyway.


I've got work to do that I need to get done today.

Really.

Don't laugh...I do.

Plus, I've really got to pee.

Since I started taking Avandia, I can't hardly drink much at all without peeing it right back out.

I just peed about ten minutes ago.

I just now swallowed. You know...the reflex swallow thing.

Now I have to pee again.

Pee, pee, pee.

You know...if I was four years old and just said "pee, pee, pee" I'd be running around in circles, covering my mouth to keep the giggles in after saying a bad word.

Pee.

Tee hee!

It still makes me giggle today.

Alright.

Now I'm just getting stupid.

I'm done here.

Seriously.

Watch "Survivor" tonight.

You know...unless you have a life or something.

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