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11:43:48 - 2001-03-03

AUNTIE EM, AUNTIE EM, IT'S A STRONG WIND!

I have discovered something that is ... in my humble opinion...earth shattering.

"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and the "ABC" song are the same freakin' song.

Try it.

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

H I J K L M N O P

Needless to say ... I'm a tad bit giddy over discovering this gem.

I'm just debating on who I can sue over this now, because I'm sure I can sue somebody.


It has been raining here since August.

Okay ... it actually started ummmm...yesterday afternoon. But it hasn't really let up much since then.

Currently, my back patio is flooded. And when I say flooded, I mean two inches of water as soon as I step out my patio door.

The National Weather Service has predicted a chance of rain all the way through Monday.

Currently, it's raining like a mofo. The water on my patio is not going anywhere soon and is, in fact, slowly rising to the point where eventually it's going to start threatening to seep into the house.

To quote Hamlet ... "I'm fucked,dude."

We had two tornado warnings in town yesterday. Of course ... neither one were actual tornados.

Y'see ... when clouds start to go in circles, the National Weather Service declares THAT as a tornado, when it's clearly just two clouds circling.

This pisses me off.

Sirens go off, local weathermen pop erections because they get to be on television more than three minutes a day and little children are scared shitless because they've seen "The Wizard of Oz" and are expecting their entire world to go black and white while a tornado whips its way down a dirt road toward them.

In this town, 99 out of 100 times that the sirens go off, there ARE NO TORNADOS.

I don't even flinch when I hear the sirens anymore. I already know that two clouds are just stuck in the sky and the National Weather Service is freaking out over it.

Last night the sirens went off while I was feeding Andy.

His eyes got big and he looked at me with the bottle in his mouth like "What the hell is that, Pops?"

I soothed him with the sentence "Just keep eating, boy. It ain't nothin' to concern yourself with."

(That's my impression of the Dad on the Waltons, thankyewverymuch).

Of course, we got a pretty nasty downpour ... but no tornados.

My boy thinks I'm the smartest and bravest daddy in the world right now because I didn't force him to get in a bathtub with a mountain of pillows on top of him when the sirens went off.

OR he thinks I'm cool because I continued to feed his chubby little butt.

One or the other.


No news on the naked cheerleader scandal here in town.

And to be honest ... the bumper sticker fun has gotten REALLY monotonous around the office.

Our sports editor is still racking his brain for more bumper sticker sayings.

Yesterday he came up with "We eat muff in the buff".

I groaned. He's just beating a dead horse now.

BUT...my gal Wendi sent me one that her ultra-handsome husband Dr. Eric Lewis came up with ...

"My public school kid has seen your private school kid's privates."

I snickered anyway.


Holy shit!

The Today Show just showed some footage of Montgomery Alabama where apparently a tornado hit.

Ummmm...that's us.

So uhhhh...scratch all that earlier shit about tornados never hitting here and the National Weather Service guys having their heads up their asses.

Sheesh.

I shoulda been in the bathtub after all.


And finally, Napster...

Apparently, by Monday, there will be a screen put on everyone in Napsterland that will prevent us from sharing copyrighted material.

Which means...anything halfway decent.

Which means we're left with shitty local garage bands who want to make it big but don't have the talent.

Thanks Recording Industry of America.

Sorry I spent all those thousands of dollars on your product over the last 30 years.

You fucks.

And save your fingers ... I KNOW all about the other services just like Napster ...services like Gnutella.

But go ahead...click on the Gnutella link.

See?

The whole world is mocking me because I stuck with Napster until the bitter end and now I'm left out in the cold.

*sigh*


MP3 DOWNLOAD OF THE DAY

EVERY SINGLE DAMNED SONG YOU CAN THINK OF BEFORE TIME RUNS OUT.

DOWNLOAD THEM NOW!!!


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