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17:48:21 - 2000-04-01

ITS A TERRIFYING DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD...

I am SOOOO Billy Badass ...

Earlier this afternoon, I go outside to retrieve the mail FROM MY TWISTED CARCASS OF A MAILBOX and some DUMBASS idiot is being kind enough to share the Gangsta Rap currently on his car stereo with the whole neighborhood.

I looked down the street and about six houses down, some dumbass left his car running in front of the house with his car stereo just blaring as he went inside.

I've seen this dickless wonder cruising around the neighborhood before, and to the best of my knowledge, he's dating one of the girls who lives in this home six houses down from mine.

I noticed some older neighbors standing out in their front yards staring at this asshole's car, trying to telepathically turn the volume down, but failing miserably.

And seeing as how I TOTALLY pussed out the other night when some dick argued with a woman, I decided to redeem myself today.

I walked down the street to the offending car, just as this ignorant fuck was walking towards this boombox on wheels.

"How ya doin'" I greeted the young gang member.

"Wassup" the asshole mumbled, avoiding eye contact like all shitass gang members do.

"You mind turning your stereo down? We have a quiet neighborhood here and would like to keep it that way."

"Sorry," the asshole actually apologized as he reached into his car and turned it down.

I was shocked. He didn't shoot me or call me a bitch muthafukka.

So I decided to push my luck.

"Let's try to keep it at a low level when you're on our street, alright?"

"Yeah sure," he agreed.

Damn.

I thanked him for turning it down, turned around and walked back to my house feeling like Jackie Chan after administering an impressive ass beating on a the Chinese mafia.

The payoff came from an older guy who lives a few doors down from me on the other side of the street who had been one of the ones standing outside in his yard, staring at the car, but too afraid to confront the young hoodlum.

The old man gave me a thumbs up and a smile.

I just gave him a quick nod of the head and a smile back.

Moral of the story: Don't fuck with Uncle Bob on his own turf.

I own this street, Sonny Boy.

You bet yer gangsta ass.

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