INCREDIBLY BORING BUT TRUE THINGS I DID TODAY

* I vacuumed my keyboard.

* I finished watching Saturday Night Live from the other night. AC/DC is getting old. The Rock is not ready for prime time. And the Big Show had me cracking up.

* I had "Blueberry Morning" Cereal for breakfast.

* I got out of bed at 4 a.m. and began writing.

* I wrote the previous two entries before 9 a.m. this morning.

* I didn't go in to the office until 11 a.m.

* I did a buddy a favor. He was still drunk down in Panama City for Spring Break, so I typed in an editorial for this week's paper for him.

* I met a gorgeous girl who's running for Miss Teen America. I tried to seduce her (she WAS 18), but alas...my seductive charms only work in my head.

* I received this month's issue of CMJ magazine in the mail today and think I am falling in platonic love with the band Travis. They sound like a cross between U2 and Radiohead to me...my two fave bands.

* I made up 15 new clues for the Easter Egg Hunt which is BACK ON BABY!!! We hid another egg since we feel the last lady cheated, but can't prove it.

* I read the morning paper.

* I listened to the Freestylers disc to and from work.

* I took a 30 minute nap.

* I listened to classical music on DMX while I napped which ALWAYS knocks me out.

* I had a small leftover portion of chicken parmesan for lunch. I debated on that or a chili dog.

* I didn't eat lunch until 3 p.m.

* I think I got on my sports editor's nerves by saying he has an obsession with one of the local high school football players, because he wouldn't stop talking about him. The sports editor got up and left.

* I barely had a chance to talk to Mattie Gee.

* I got a ton of email but haven't answered any of it.

* I chastised myself for not answering email quicker, but then you get it back that much quicker and the vicious cycle never ends.

* I sang "Are You Lonesome Tonight" in the shower in cabaret style.

*I also determined that I'm not the type who likes to masturbate in the shower. I think that you're too vulnerable already. One of my biggest fears is to be in the shower while a gang of thugs have broken into my house and they're standing in the doorway to my bathroom while I'm doing a Cabaret Elvis act in the shower. As if that's not embarrassing enough ... I don't need to be doing that AND masturbating...

"Are you lonesommmmme toniiiiiight"

*whackwhackwhack*

"Do you misss meeeeee toniiiiiiight"

*whackwhackwhack*

* I debated if that long list of people next to this entry is being perceived wrong in the eyes of some. These are all people whose diaries I dig and they've all said nice things about me or linked me in the past. They rock in my eyes. Is it tacky? Hell yeah it's tacky. I'm not saying it's a clique...oh no baby...as we've all learned....CLIQUES SUCK IN DIARYLAND....it's an ARMY. We're taking over the WORLD, babes. Screw taking over Diaryland....THE PLANET, SENOR!!!! THAT'S WHERE THE BIG BUCKS ARE!!!!

*hack....cough...coughcoughcough....hack...choking....hack cough cough...helpppppp....*

Who am I kidding? Rule the world??? I can't even balance a fucking checkbook.

* I downloaded "Space Age Love Song" by A Flock of Seagulls off of Napster. Somebody downloaded a Belle and Sebastian tune off of me.

* I received an email saying the blue bars on the side of this page hurt the eyes and I checked it and agreed. I knew there was something I didn't particularly care for, and that was it. AMBER....MY GODDESS....I summon thee....how can I change the blue color to a more mellow color?

* I thought about ditching this whole thing and forcing myself to write something humorous, but didn't.

* I found a Super Ball while walking the dog, picked it up, slammed it down hard on the sidewalk and that was the last I saw of it.

* I saw milk oozing out of a lactating dog.

* I saw a wreck after it happened, but it looked like everyone was okay.

* And I thought long and hard about YOU and hope you're doing better.