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4:20 a.m. - 2000-12-13

THIS CLOCK IS RUINING MY LIFE

Greetings space cadet.

I'm pissed at my computer clock ... the one down there in the lower right hand corner.

It KEEPS running late. Yesterday, I fixed it, gave it the proper time...

Today it's 25 minutes late.

Anybody else have this problem??? I had it with my old computer too. THAT'S why I got a new one...I couldn't STAND being told the wrong time by a machine that was smarter than me.

Ah well.

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The in-laws got here last night.

Okay ... they were SUPPOSED to land in New Orleans at 3 p.m., then it takes between 6-7 hours to drive here. They should be here between 9 and 10 p.m., right???

Soooo...if I "conveniently" went to bed at 9 p.m., there was a good chance I'd miss them and it would be less time I had to spend with them...right??

...The bastards got here at 8:59 p.m.

How the hell they got here so quickly is beyond me. He's retired military...and was driving 85 mph here.

Old people aren't supposed to drive that fast. Something about it being rough on their brittle bones or something.

Anyway ... they pull up...I'm all like "I was about to go to bed" and they're all like "Well, we're glad we got here in time to keep you up!!"

...Fuckers...

So I stayed up until 11 p.m., staring at them like they were gang members accused of murder while they cooed over Junior.

I HATE HATE HATE giving up my house to two people who are virtual strangers to me.

I had to pee this morning. I had to go outside to pee because I didn't want flushing toilets going off at 4 a.m. and possibly waking them up.

BUT...4 a.m. to me is 2 a.m. to them. So I guess I gotta start thinking...are they REALLY going to get up at 2 a.m.??

...Doubtful...

I can just imagine...me sitting here typing this crap in the dark when Grandpa walks in at 4 a.m.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Ummmm...concentrating."

"You know...we need a better relationship between us."

"No we don't. You stay on your side of the country, I'll stay on mine."

"C'mon...whatcha doing?"

"If you must know, I keep an online journal where I talk smack about your entire family. From your worthless son who had to borrow $6,000 from me and your daughter because you're too cheap to help him out, to your other loud assed daughter to your overbearing ex-wife to you."

"Ahhh. We really need to work on our relationship. Do you golf?"

"No, I don't. Do you smoke weed?"

"No, I don't."

"Ahhh...wanna buy some??"

"I'm getting my wife and getting the hell out of here."

"Awwww...don't rush off just because my house is full of illegal drugs and paraphenelia and if the cops show up, they're busting you too just because you're staying in my house."

"I'm leaving."

"Don't make any promises you can't keep, old timer."

"You're an asshole. I don't know why my daughter married you."

"She probably wanted to marry a guy just like her dear old dad."

"Don't compare yourself to me."

"You're right. I have a personality... you don't. How unfair. I'm sorry."

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Soooo...is ANYBODY still paying attention to this election shit??

Every day is a "historic" day as Dan Rather would say. The Supreme Court says YES, the Supreme Court says NO.

All this because Al Gore was never taught to gather up his toys and go home.

I used to like Gore. But c'mon pal...you've been defeated in every single count.

Sure...it's not by much. A couple of votes.

But hey ... the other night ... I wanted steak for dinner. Susie wanted Italian.

The vote was split and I STILL didn't get any steak.

That's okay, Al. It's life. Life isn't always steak and baked potatos. Sometimes it's cold pizza.

End it now, Al.

Stop the madness.

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Kinda a boring day for me yesterday, seeing as how it was Deadline Day and all.

Ummmmmm...I peed four times at work. That's about all the news I have for ya from work.

My soon-to-be new boss came by. We kinda winked, winked, nudged nudged each other because he's trying to woo me away from there and it seems to be working. But nobody at the office (except Mattie Gee, since he's leaving too) knew what was going on.

I felt so mischievous.

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Andy has finally gotten to the point where he will sleep all night ... but he has to have a good couple of hours crying beforehand to wear his baby ass out first.

This is something new that he's been trying out the past few nights.

It's hardly endearing.

The first night we were panicking. Susie was speed reading a "Cholic" book to see if this was cholic.

We found out, it's just something that babies do. They cry their asses off like it's supposed to be exercise.

All I know is...if he cries from 8-10 p.m., we've got a full night of sleep ahead of us.

And dat's cool with us.

Oh ... the kid pissed ALL OVER me last night.

I took him to his room to change his diaper.

He was cool with it...laid there on his changing table and stared at the wall.

I opened one side of the diaper. Nothing.

Opened the other side of the diaper....BLAMMO!!

He almost got me in the face. I quickly shielded the stream of baby piss with my hands, cupped over his pee-pee.

He pissed for a while until he was done. I reached down to shake the last drops out for him out of reflex.

When he was done, my shirt had been soaked, his little changing table mattress was soaked, his nightie was soaked ...

This kid's full of piss.

Now...if I could just get some vinegar in his tiny little body, he'd be just like dear old dad.

That's it for me. I'm going to shower and get the hell out of here for most of the day. Come home when I get hungry.

Yeah.

That's what I'm gonna do.

See ya.

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