Random thoughts going through my head at 6 a.m. on a rainy Sunday morning ....

Fucking rain....

A lot of you people on this website have some really fucked up lives. I want to reach out and try to help so many of you, but realize that's one of the stupidest goddamned things I could ever try to do. But I wish you all luck and will continue to keep abreast of your fucked up lives.

That said, many of you make me laugh my ass off.

...And I can only IMAGINE what a Diaryland meet would be like where everyone converged on one location to meet in the flesh. Of course, I'd kinda want it ummm...broken down. I doubt seriously I'd feel comfortable sipping a Gin and tonic and discussing boys with the 13-year-olds.

...Or discussing dlove with the 13 year olds. Christ...how awkward would THAT be??

"Anal sex?? Geez gals...I dunno...go track down dlove...he'll explain everything."

I've got way too many CDs.

Granted, I've been buying them ever since they first came out in '84-'85. For the last ten years, I've received hundreds of promo CDs as well. I have more salsa music in my collection than most record stores. And I have never listened to it in my life.

For a long time, buying CDs was one of my addictions, along with smoking pot, drinking Jagermeister and calling all women "Jake" in a slurred monotone.

I quit drinking Jagermeister.

*cough*

So anyway...ummmm....another random thought, huh.....

Watched "Blast From The Past" last night. I'm a 38-year old man. I enjoyed it about as much as a swift blow to the nuts with a ball peen hammer.

My wife insisted we watched it, and to be honest ... hey ... Alicia Silverstone is a babe ... so I figured "sure...I'll take a gander at it."

That's two fucking hours of my life that I'll never get back.

I can't buy Alicia Silverstone as a bitch. It's like trying to imagine Cindy Brady in "Natural Born Killers". It just doesn't work for me.

I'll tell ya what I did see on TV last night for the first time that I fell in love with.

Emeril.

He's on the Food Network/Channel/whatever the hell it's called, and he's a man's man chef. None of that pansy Martha Stewart crap here, baybeee.... Emeril KICKS IT UP A NOTCH, PALLY!!!

Anyway...he had cored out some apples, stuffed Snickers bars inside them, wrapped them up in foil and was grilling them.

...I must admit ... I got a one way ticket to Boner City after seeing that delicious treat.

Do you think I use the word "Anyway" too much?

Anyway ... just for the hell of it ... This last portion of today's Diary is the January 30th, 1980 entry into my senior year high school diary. I was 18 years old...this happened to me 20 years ago today. The only reason I'm sharing this is to prove....Uncle Bob was once a teen too....

"Bad day. Didn't get to see Aerosmith. Roads were covered with ice. Ran off the road twice, trying to get to Greg's. That's the worst thing that's happened to me this year. $17 down the drain.

So me, Chuck, Rich, Scott, Steve and Dave went bowling. Then tonight, they all came over and we drank 900 (malt liquor). Well Dave spilled it all over my bedspread. I coulda killed him. I sprayed an entire can of Right Guard on the bedspread to try to get the beer smell out. Dave wouldn't admit he did it, but I saw him do it. I didn't like him from the start, the guy is a creep. I wouldn't have minded Pat and Rich over here, but Chuck, Scott and Dave were too rowdy and mom and dad were trying to sleep. Now my room smells like beer and Right Guard.

No Aerosmith.

No girls.

No Nicki.

I love you Nicki, and I need you."

............................................

Nicki was this cheerleader I was dating. We broke up because I rubbed her crotch during a heated make out session and that freaked her out and she broke up with me instantly.

Later on that summer, I dated one of her fellow cheerleaders in my first true love. Maybe I'll get to that someday.

UNCLE BOB'S HOUSE OF FUN

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