THE FIRST UNINTERUPTED ENTRY IN THREE WEEKS

Okay ... no seriously...TODAY it looks like I may get a full entry here.

The kid's asleep after slurping on both breasts and he's on his tummy.

Every professional baby person we've come across has said "DON'T let him sleep on his tummy."

Sleeping on his tummy helps him SLEEP, people. He can't do the back or side thing. And when HE sleeps, WE sleep. And when we sleep, we're much more productive people.

Yesterday I felt like a zombie.

My sis, who spends as much time as she can on the Internet while she's here, found Top Secret Recipes website and went nuts.

Since I don't have a printer hooked up and she was as slow as Christmas when it came to writing the recipes down, I had her save them all in a file, we walked Maggie and then drove to my office and printed out the recipes.

We drove over to the rock star's pad and walked Mattie Gee's dog, then spent about ten minutes cleaning up after that gonzo little shit machine. He's figured out how to get into the part of the house that he's not supposed to be in and to his credit, has at least crapped near the front door, which is where he goes out to relieve Mr. Crampy Bowels anyway. And he's still in that puppy stage where they're really impressed with themselves when they can shred things with their teeth. Last night, he had managed to find an old check register and shredded that plus several paper towels. Whooohoooo. Let's make Uncle Bob's job a little bit tougher ... shall we??

He's such a loving dog though, ya gotta overlook his shredding and pooping habits.

So THEN...I was a dear and accompanied my wife and sister shopping.

Mall shopping I can usually handle. There's a record store, book store, video store, etc. If she ducks into a dress shop, I duck into the nearest interesting store for myself.

But we didn't go MALL shopping...we went....LITTLE SNOOTY GIFT SHOP IN THE RICH FOLKS AREA SHOPPING, BABYYYYYY!!!

God...it was horrible.

First off, I'm as tired as a whore shitting in the woods.

Second, We now have a baby that needs to be carried everywhere we go in a bulky baby seat. Lemme tell ya kids...that's about as fun as passing gallstones when you're maneuvering through a crowded little gift shop where every other goddamned thing you pass is made from fine china and teetering on the end of a tiny table balanced by matchbooks under its frail four legs.

Baby's making noises on the baby monitor...at least he sounds alive.

There...silence. Now I have to go check to see if he's alive. BRB.

...........

He sneezed before I had to give up.

My kid's got the cutest sneezes. Always two of them ... he got that from his mom.

I'm a one sneezer guy. I can get it all out in one sneeze thankyouverymuch ... I don't need no two little pansy-assed sneezer deals.

I remember in high school, this guy named Mark Skidmore said that girls who sneezed more than once had multiple orgasms.

My wife sneezes two-sometimes three times when she sneezes.

Yet...she's never had an orgasm in her life. Mainly because she's had to deal with my jackhammer attack on the old cucaracha for the last 14 years.

This Fisher Price Baby Monitor is the coolest thing in the world. It picks up every little sound he makes and magnifies it like ten times. Just now he passed gas and it sounded like a small earthquake.

So we went to these shops and my sister DEMANDED that we bought these Yankee Candles that are apparently all the rage in the candle world. Strongest scents ever. Blah blah blah.

I like candles, if they can give off a decent scent. We bought a large Banana Nut Bread candle because it smelled good in the store. Then we brought it home, lit it and now it smells faintly like rotten bananas in here.

My sister bought a nice picture, four tin buckets for decoration, and a Whopper Jr. with fries (We weren't hungry).

We just bought the candle.

Kristi left to get on the road after we got home. I laid down to take a nap as Susie was feeding Bubba Jr.

...I slept all through the Tennessee game until the very end. This was a major disappointment for me because I really wanted to see their last game of the season.

I did. I really, really did.

Susie's sister Sandy got to the house at about 6 p.m., flying in from Dallas. She's going to be a great help this week. At 1 a.m., Andy was crying pretty hard in his crib. I went to get him and Sandy beat me to him, cutting me off in the hallway. I don't know how she did it, but she quieted him down instantly. Susie got up to feed him and Sandy took care of the rest, while I slept the sleep of the dead.

I dreamt Andy could talk. It was babytalk, but I understood everything he said. I just can't remember anything he said to me.

I put all the videotape of Andy I had on one tape yesterday evening. The pictures on the web don't do him justice. He's so much more adorable in these videos. I'm one biased fool ... but this kid has facial expressions that could get him in commercials.

Maybe not. Hell, I dunno.

I know he's getting fussy right now. And I just wanna go watch him.

Speaking of which...there's target="_blank">new pictures up of him ... they're all at the beginning. Check out this gorgeous creature.

Peace out...have a good 'un, folks.