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09:19:35 - 2000-10-31

A LETTER TO MY UNBORN SON

Dear Andrew,

I'm writing this at 4:45 a.m.on Tuesday, October 31st, 2000. I was really hoping today would be the day you decided to show up, but your Mom is sound asleep right now, so it looks like you're going to be a no-show. The doctor at the hospital has told us that you are scheduled to make your long-awaited appearance in this world sometime this week, by Friday at the latest. If you have decided that you don't want to come into this world on your own by Friday, the doctor is coming in there to get you. My advice would be to just give up and come on out. These doctors aren't exactly known for their flexible schedules and patience with lazy babies. Let's not make this any more difficult than it has to be. Surrender with your hands down, head first by Friday and everything should be just fine.

I promise you that when you come out, life will be a bit different than it's been for you during the last nine months. Even though you may have felt extremely safe in the womb, your mommy and I have made every effort to keep you just as safe when you come out.

We also have Pooh dolls for you to play with and chew. You know...if that sweetens the deal any...

It's really kind of funny, because over the last nine months, your mommy and I have assigned you various personality traits already. We already know that you get fussy every day at 12:30 in the afternoon and 7:30 at night. We know how you like to listen to classical music and how that soothes you, so I went out and bought some Mozart CDs to keep you quiet for hours on end. Don't even think about asking for a piano right now... we'll discuss that in a few years.

You obviously enjoy kicking quite a bit, so I've begun saving money for your karate lessons. That way, if there's ever a burglar in the house, he'll have to go through you first. I know it's a lot to ask of an unborn child, but c'mon...karate lessons are expensive, kid. You have to earn your keep around this house somehow.

It's going to be strange for me when you come into this world, because I've already envisioned you in my head and something tells me you'll look nothing like what I've imagined. Unless you manage to come out looking like former first lady Barbara Bush without any hair on a baby boy's body. If that's the case, then I'll stand back and say "Yep. That's my boy."

You're not going to come out looking like former first lady Barbara Bush are you? I think that'd really freak your mom out if you did. It would probably be a good idea if you just came out looking normal for now.

We have your room all decorated for you. I sure hope you like Winnie the Pooh, because it looks like the Disney Store exploded in your bedroom. There's Winnie the Pooh everywhere. Personally, I'm not a huge Winnie the Pooh fan these days, but if you're into it, I'll pretend I'm into it too. We'll read the books together, watch the videos together, play with the toys together ... you'll never even catch on that I could care less if Winnie gets his head stuck in a hunny jar or not. I'll act just as surprised as you'll probably be. I'm a pretty good actor. I think I can pull it off.

Later on, I've got some pretty neat football games we can go and watch together. There's a football team nearby called the Auburn Tigers. They're doing pretty good this year, and I sure wish you and I could have went to see them play a few games this year, but there'll be more games next year and I bet they'll be even better by then. Maybe we'll go to one for your first birthday. Sound like fun?

Oh...and don't ask about the Crimson Tide. They're about as fun as a hemmerhoid these days.

We're going to go fishing when you get older too. You should like that ... lots of worms, water and waiting. But I'll tell you some good jokes and make some goofy voices and that should help pass the time. And if we catch a fish, I can make him pretend he's talking. It's a pretty cool trick. I think you'll be impressed.

Son, you will never, ever know how important you are to your mommy and me. We've waited for twelve years for you to enter our lives and when you finally get here, you'll be amazed at all the attention you'll receive. Your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, church family and even Mommy and Daddy's friends have been anxiously waiting for you for nine months now. All of them are ready to hold you and say "Goo-goo" at you. For your parent's sake ... try to act interested in them. These people mean an awful lot to us, even if they tend to get on your nerves with their insane babbling. Give them a quick smile and try not to spit up on them and they'll be happy.

I can't wait to finally see you and hold you this week. And don't be alarmed if I start crying when we meet. It's not you, it's me. I get goofy like that sometimes. If you don't laugh at me, I won't laugh at you and we'll make a silent promise between us to never bring up the whole "Boo-Hoo-Hooing In The Hospital Incident" again.

I love you more than life itself and I plan on demonstrating that every single day of your blessed life. I thank God every day for delivering you to your mother and me and we will do our very best to protect you and provide you with the best life possible until the day we die.

...Which reminds me ... stay away from the stove and electrical outlets until I tell you different.

Your new best friend,

Daddy

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