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4 a.m. - 2000-11-14

VACATION BOSS...LOOK IT UP IN THE DICTIONARY

Hey...so...ummmm...what's up??

Apparently only me at this hour.

Soooo...yesterday was a frustrating dayyyyy-o.

Day-ayy-ayyy-o.

Daylight come and me wanna go home.

First off, Andy had this wheezing in his chest. It sounded like he accidently swallowed a baby accordion. I felt bad because

A) I foolishly took him outside on a blustery day just so we could get his picture taken in good lighting.

B) I had a little bit of congestion and STILL kept kissing the damned kid all day on Sunday.

Call me gay, but I can't stop kissing this kid. It's not like we're making out or anything ... his tongue's too small (ohhh...save your hate mail, you wimps). I am just CONSTANTLY kissing his head because he's so soft, adorable and MINE.

So...I'm really hoping I didn't give him any germs. I'd feel horrible if I did. I guess these are the pitfalls of having a baby in November.

So anyway..he's in a foul mood all day. If he's awake, he's crying and it's a fever pitch crying.

We took his temperature...99.1. Not bad really. Hell, we had him wrapped up like a mummy all day...of course he's going to be warm.

So...I had to get some writing done yesterday...the kind of writing that I get paid for and have to concentrate on. THAT was tough because Andy kept crying and I sat here feeling so bad for him rather than working.

Then...about 11 a.m., I get a call from our secretary at work.

"The boss wants to know when you're coming back to work," she says.

This pissed me off to no end. My kid was sick ... I was one week into my "vacation" and the boss ... who barely knows I exist...wants to know when I'm coming back in.

Truthfully, I was going to go in yesterday about 2 p.m. and just make sure things were ready for me today. Even though I'm on vacation, I STILL have to go in on Tuesdays because that's deadline day and my boss is a raging drunk who cannot retain the tiniest bits of computer knowledge from week to week.

He's been working on a computer for four years and still has to be told how to restart his computer. By 5 p.m. most days, he's pretty well shit-faced. I like the guy okay...it's just irritating to have to deal with him after a few drinks or when he's in a foul mood.

I basically let a stream of obscenities fly into the phone as I told the secretary that I would be there in a few hours, that my baby was sick and that I was trying to get work done at home.

She says "Well, the boss just wants things back to normal around here."

Back to normal???

Hell, I'd like more than four hours of sleep a night, pally...you want fucking normal???

I had a feeling that me taking an actual vacation wasn't going to sit well with him. I haven't had a vacation in ten years. I've taken days off here and there over the course of ten years, but an actual vacation...never.

So when my baby was born, I told the boss's right hand man (who actually happens to be a woman) that I wanted two weeks off to take care of my wife and baby.

She said that was fine but asked if I could come in on Tuesdays and bail them out. I said sure.

THAT was the plan.

The big boss, the drunk, he doesn't communicate well with his employees. He sits in his office all day and drinks until its time to go to the bars and drink.

I was livid. Just fucking livid.

I jumped in the shower and planned my resignation speech. It was full of the words "fucking drunk" and "eat my ass, bitch" repeated over and over.

I drove to work, mad as hell.

I get to work and the few people that were there knew better than to ask me how I was doing.

The big boss comes back to our area.

"So...how's the baby?" he asks.

How the hell can I be mad at a guy who asks me how my baby is?

Lemme tell ya...it wasn't hard.

"The baby's sick," I said, not taking my eyes off my computer monitor. "He's wheezing and congested and screaming his head off."

He chuckled. "Have I told you about the 'Roll and Snore' yet?"

Yes he had. When his babies cried, he would roll over in bed and fake snore so that his wife had to deal with the babies.

And that's why his kids are so fucked up. They're either drunks, druggies or work for the legislature.

I'm more of a hands-on Daddy. I love my child and actually feel bad when he's sick. I don't just hand him over to Mama and say "Deal with it."

I told the boss that I was a hands-on Daddy and that I didn't want my kid turning out to be like his son Jamie.

Jamie works with us, using the term "works" loosely. I'd say more, but Jamie reads this site. HI JAMIE!!!

Apparently...I figured out what the boss meant when he said he wanted things "back to normal".

His new truck was stolen Saturday at the Auburn-Georgia football game. He had it for about four months and now it was gone.

Plus, several employees hadn't shown up for work yesterday. So, seeing as I was the one who had missed the most days lately, he had the secretary call me first to ask where I was.

He didn't even KNOW I was on a vacation/leave of absence. He knew I had a baby but expected me to be back at work as soon as the nurses had cleaned the placenta off the boy.

I calmed down once I was at work. Susie was taking care of the baby. I actually had plenty of work to keep me busy. I stayed around for about three hours and then went back home.

Came home, everything was fine. Andy was out like a light, still wheezing but okay.

I grilled some steaks, and cooked a large feast for the wife and I. Baked potatoes, corn, green beans, mushrooms, and Pepperidge Farm Texas Toast.

I took some Sudafed for my sniffles.

I passed out at 8:30 and went to bed.

I slept until 3:30. Never heard the baby cry once.

Hopefully...today will be a better day.

But somehow...I doubt it.

**********************************************

QUESTION OF THE DAY

What's your least favorite vegetable?

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