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6:15 a.m. - 2001-04-06

I AIN'T NO STINKIN' WEBMASTER

Eeeeeyikes!!

Somebody overslept this morning because somebody went to bed late last night.

That somebody??

Me.

(I had to clarify for those who were confused by my vagueness)

Have you noticed I use the word "clarify" way too much lately?

Dammit.

And now the boy's crying while Mama's in the shower.

BRB eventually...


It's amazing how easily you can quiet a crying baby with just a little duct tape and a slammed door or two.

Kidding.

Turned on his "Mommy Bear", patted his ass and now he's out like Ellen DeGeneres.


My God, I'm tired.

Had our top secret internet website meeting last night at a local pub.

Basically ... it's a top secret dealio. But I can let you in on a few details.

A buddy of mine wants four of us to go in together and buy a website and its servers, etc. The website really only has local appeal and averages about 1,000 hits a day, but supposedly generates $3,000/month in revenue.

I've got a new baby.

Another of the guys just bought a new motorcycle.

Another of the guys doesn't have any money because he spends it all on doughnuts and waffles.

Which leaves the head guy who has more money than he knows what to do with because he already has one successful business venture under his belt that he's currently involved with.

Anywhooooo...

I told him to count me out because I felt too "iffy" about the whole thing.

So we were there until about 10:30 last night, which is 30 minutes past my bedtime.

Got home, expecting the wife and kid to be asleep.

Guess what, Regis?? Baby Boy Andy was WIIIIIDE AWAKE and rockin' the house!

Susie said he hadn't had a nap all night and was just having fun, playing with his toys.

We tried to de-stimulate the kid, which meant swaddling him in a blanket and putting him in a dark closet for an hour.

Kidding.

We laid on the floor and talked to him for an hour.

He developed a new squeal yesterday that he's most proud of. It's high pitched and he uses it to express joy at his toys.

Susie thought it was so cute...these little squeals puncturing the quiet, late night air.

I said let's see how cute they are in six months when they intensify in volume and he does the squeal whenever he wants something.

I guess that took some of the fun out of it for her.


Met with my campaign manager who is KICKING ASS getting things organized for this Big Mouse thing.

She's lined up 13 sponsors for the golf tournament, which to me is so cool that 13 businesses who I've never even used in my life think that I'm really super cool rad and are willing to put money behind my name to support me in a great cause.

...Errrr...at least that's the way I look at it...

She's raised close to $2,000 already this week.

Meanwhile ... I wrote 15 DIARY ENTRIES IN 30 MINUTES, DUDE!!!

Yes, I know. I'm the Mayor of Slackerville.

Today though, I'm going out there and POUNDING THAT PAVEMENT, KIDS!

SERIOUSLY!

No pussyfooting around for me today, Chumley!!

Ah'm a gonna set the world on fire with my amazing pavement pounding skills!!

Yep!!

I gots da skillz to pay the billz, Lorraine!!

You watch me!!

AAAOOOOWWWWWW!!!

Shit.

I'll be lucky if I can finagle a gift certificate out of McDonalds.


Jamie and I did sign up two Mexican restaurants to participate in Hit Night yesterday, so that counts for something.

Then we went to this Bulk Mailing Center that some guys at church own to see if they could maybe help me out in mailing out my letters that essentially BEG for people to send me money.

THEY decided that since the Big Rat had paid their little business a visit that they were gonna fuck with me.

And fuck with me they did.

I like and respect these men, identical twin brothers by the way.

But damn, they almost had me in tears.

Everything I told them ... was wrong.

I handwrote all the addresses on the envelopes. Shouldn't have done that.

I made the fonts too small on the letters. Shouldn't have done that.

Then they'd share a laugh with their employees on their successful fucking of me.

Three times, I gathered up my stuff and stood up, trying to leave and saying "I'll do the shit myself, dudes."

They kept making me sit down, and raking me over the coals for their amusement.

Finally, one of them said they could do it and weren't going to charge me a penny for doing it.

I ran to the office to get the envelopes, came back 20 minutes later and they had not only printed 150 copies of my two page letter, they were all folded neatly and rubber-banded and ready to go.

I was amazed.

They're two great guys and I really appreciate them doing that for me.

Sure beats licking envelopes all night by myself.


I've gotta go prepare for my pavement-pounding day.

We've got a meeting at church tonight for the young adults in the congregation. Apparently, we're going to do a service entirely by ourselves.

The young adults, that is.

BUT...I'm too old to be a young adult.

The cut-off age is 35.

I only WISH I were still 35.

Damn.

35.

Dem was da days...

Anywahoooo...they still want me involved with the service and have a place for me in it, so apparently, I'm just so danged cool that they're going to waive the 35-year-old rule and let me get up in front of the congregation and spout off about the holy one.

I don't care.

BUT!!

They're ordering pizza while we practice everything!

TRES COOL!!


How many people KNEW Nick was going to be kicked off "Survivor" even before the show started?

Duh.

That was a no-brainer.

That was the first episode where I wasn't shocked at the final vote.

Geee...vote off a productive member of the team or vote off the lazy bitchy guy?

Bye bye, lazy bitchy guy!!


Anyway ... I'm tired...gonna go play with the baby.

Peace out. Have a good weekend to those of you who read this at work and don't check me out on the weekends.

...Bastards...

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