WHOOP! WHOOP!

I really regret not seeing David Letterman's show last night. From what I've read about it, I can tell it had to be a pretty emotional time with he and Dan Rather both shedding tears over the terrorist attacks.

I checked CBS.com but they haven't posted any video from the show yet that I can see.

Bummer.

Or ...as the French would say...Le Bummaire.

(Pronounced "Lay Boom Air")

Edweird, myself and two other guys from the Weird One's department just got back from lunch at a local Mexican place.

I'm not really sure why, but the entire time I had to fight the urge to yell "OLE!!" over and over again.

I think it's because the waiters there call everyone "Amigo" and I just love that word.

WAITER: "Hola Amigo"

ME: "Ole!!!"

Keep in mind..."Ole" should have a little notch over the "e" and be pronounced "O-LAY". I just don't know how to make that notch appear.

I just didn't want you all to think I'm wanting to shout "OL!" over and over again.

That'd be kinda stupid. Unless you had Tourette's and then it'd be kinda normal.

Not that I WISH I had Tourette's...but I think if I was going to have a disease, that'd be the one I would want.

It gives you carte blanche (pronounced "Cart Blonch"...once again...I think I need some notches above some vowels there) to just holler out obscenities at will.

I've only seen one guy with Tourette's in my life. We were in this fancy restaurant in Atlanta and a guy a few tables over had it.

It's been a few years and I don't remember exactly what all he was saying...but it was more of a "WHOOP! WHOOP!" sound than actual cursing.

At first it kinda flipped me out. You're in a fancy restaurant and you don't want to turn around and stare at a guy going "WHOOP! WHOOP!" over and over again.

Still...this is a first. You kinda feel the urge to at least witness him letting out a "WHOOP! WHOOP!" and see what happens. Does his face contort? Does he rise out of his seat when he does it? Was it the sight of a pretty woman that would set him off?

I never turned around. Mainly because we were with a bunch of people from the Atlanta Chamber of Commerce and they were trying to mind their manners and I thought it'd be in bad taste to jump up from my table and yell "DUDE! CAN THE 'WHOOP! WHOOP!' CRAP! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO EAT OVER HERE!!"

Sadly...that's my only brush with Tourette's.

I wish it could have been a more interesting story. But then again, I wasn't really prepared to divulge it. It just kinda flew out of my conscience.

Sorry.

Next week, both Edweird and Wendigo are going on vacation which means for the first time since I've been at this job, both of my old friends will be gone, leaving me to the wolves.

I've made some nice acquaintances here and all. But Wendi and Eddie are old buds and the ones I usually associate with more than just saying "Good morning".

It's gonna be weird.

Maybe I'll pretend I have Tourette's just so people will talk to me.

Even if it's hollering "TAKE THAT 'WHOOP! WHOOP!' CRAP DOWN A NOTCH!!" from their respective offices.

It's nice to see that Jerry Falwell has taken back his statement thatthe gay population and more are responsible for the terrorist attacks.

Thanks Jerry. It's reassuring to know that it is indeed possible to remove one's head from one's ass after the initial painful insertion.

And Jerry's bud Pat Robertson has now said that Jerry's comments were inappropriate...this is after Pat praised Jerry, agreed with Jerry and kept saying "Amen" while Jerry vomited these insane babblings out of his yapper at a rapid fire pace.

I'm just glad that the two of them issued apologies. Because I sure wasn't ready to go to war against women who've had abortions, gays and lesbians, pagans and liberals.

Taliban?

Yes.

Charles Nelson Reilly?

No.

It just struck me that many of you young'uns have no idea who Charles Nelson Reilly is.

Watch the Game Show Network and catch "Match Game".

He's the flamboyant guy with the pipe.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh....you say as you nod your head knowingly.

He's the '70s version of Louie Anderson.

Does that make better sense?

I had to write the most gawdawful boring story about a hospital this morning.

I can make a lot of things sound good.

A used car lot??

"The most popular brands of pre-loved automobiles gathered on one extraordinary acre of land in the city!"

A motel's stale breakfast thrown on a card table by Joe the Night Clerk?

"Guests are treated to a continental breakfast consisting of scrumptious coffee cake and piping hot coffee among other delectable items and is served in the foyer by one of our friendly staff members."

But a hospital??

"People die here all the time."

It was a tough challenge to say the least.

But hey...I did it.

The organization now operates five hospitals, medical office complexes, chemical-dependency services, home-health services, medical laboratories, and other services in five regions, each with its own rich history.

It's a start anyway.

I've gotta go to church tonight to videotape a girl reading the Bible.

I'm the church's official videographer because when I first bought the video camera a year ago, I offered my services to the church. It gave me a chance to use the camera since Andy wasn't born yet and the wife didn't wanna make porno movies while she was pregnant.

...Not that she wants to make them now either. I'm just saying...

Anyway, there's some project that I know absolutely ZILCH about where the teen girls in the church are making a video of them reading the Bible.

All I know is I have to show up at 7 p.m. and be prepared for a painfully long period of shooting video.

Gad.

I sure hope this goes by quickly. These kids are nice and all, but I can think of a billion things I'd rather do than hang around a bunch of giggly teenagers reading the Bible and trying not to laugh.

Pretending I have Tourette's would be number one on that list of a billion things.

WHOOP! WHOOP!!