THE BABY DOESN'T LIKE YOU...IT MUST BE YOUR BREATH

I bet I did something last night that none of us have done in years...

...I went to bed at 7 p.m.

It was a complete accident. I was in my recliner and falling asleep before 7. We had went out to dinner at Longhorn Steakhouse and me belly wuz full.

Plus, I was exhausted all day. Did I mention that yet?

So anyway...at 7 p.m., I jolted myself awake and announced to my wife and her sis "I'm going to go lay down. Wake me up by 8 please."

Susie apparently tried to wake me up at 8. I apparently told her I was getting up.

I slept 'til 3:30 a.m.

Go me.

This marks the most sleep I've had since the American jumping bean was born.

Right now, we're both out here in the living room ... me writing this, and he totally engrossed in the latest episode of "Cow and Chicken". He's fascinated with this show. Granted, I know it's nothing but a bunch of flashy colors and weird sounds to him ... but he freaks every time a commercial comes on and sits and coos when the show's on.

I think he has the mental capacity of a fourth grader already.

...And that's not being biased either.

Last night at the Steakhouse, the waitress came up to our table and Andy started crying.

"See what you did," I mock-scolded the waitress. "You made him cry."

Apparently, this young girl thought I was serious. She apologized to the whole family. I felt kinda bad for her because she was clearly retarded if she thought I was serious.

She took our order, Andy calmed down and she came back a few minutes later.

... And Andy started crying some more as soon as she got to the table.

"He REALLY doesn't like me, does he," this bastion of self esteem asked.

"I think it's your perfume," I mentioned. "He doesn't like his waitresses smelling like cheap whores."

Okay ... I didn't REALLY say that. I just casually mentioned that the Drew Dogg was a bit fussy tonight and it had nothing to do with her.

I'm not sure she bought that ... because every time she came over to the table, Drewdy Doo would start bawling.

Anyway ...

M'God...yesterday was such a waste of a day.

Went to work. There's nothing for me to do on Wednesdays at work because we're in a transition period from getting the paper put together to it actually being printed and out on the street.

So Wednesdays are usually my "Clean Up The Desk" days. And I didn't even feel like doing that yesterday.

So Mattie Gee and I just kinda hung out ... screwin' around ... doing a whole lotta ....

....oh shit..."Cow and Chicken" is over. I pray to God he likes Dexter's Modern Laboratory or whatever it's called.

So far, he doesn't. He's doing those pissed off little sounds. Really exaggerated sighs is the best way I can describe it.

Oh great...he just asked me to buy him some Pokemon...damned commercials...

...Told ya he was smart.

Today's his four week birthday with Saturday being his one month birthday.

We're planning on hiring some local yokel to bring his pony to the house so we can have pony rides, plus a moonwalk and perhaps a clown.

Granted ... the kid only has one official friend and that's me.

But hell...I'm up for a free pony ride every now and then too, dammit.

Alright...the kid can't stand Dexter ... it's time to give him back to Mommy.

Have a great day.