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6:37 a.m. - 2001-11-25


I wrote an entry yesterday but when I went to send it, it didn't go through and then it got lost in the Diaryland abyss and I just really didn't care. So I didn't try and put another update up. know...I just really didn't care.

It's the new me. The uncaring Uncle Bob. Something goes wrong? Hey! I don't care! I REALLY don't care!

I like the new me already.

Anyway...the entry was all about waiting in line for an hour at Toys R Us on Friday morning to buy Andrew two computer games and some wacky telephone that has letters instead of numbers and when he hits them a frog tells him what letter he just hit.

The computer games are probably going to prove to be a mistake. As it is now, every time I get on the computer and he's awake somewhere in the house, he hightails it to me, wants up on my lap and then proceeds to just totally fuck everything up.

It used to be that he chewed my wrist pad to bits. Large chunks of my foam wrist pad have already passed through his intestines and wound up in diapers.

Now he's discovered the mouse. And if he's on my lap, he HAS to be in control of the mouse.

And when I say "control", I mean he's got to be holding the mouse in his hands and chewing on the cord.

I think one jolt of mouse electricity going through his body will hopefully cure him of that.

If I see smoke come out of his tiny baby ears, I'll know it's worked.

Everyone made friends in the line at Toys R Us except me.

People think that just because they're going to be standing next to a person for an hour, that they need to become friends with the person. Like they're bonding or something.

The two men in front of me had Jesus in common. I think one of them sneezed, the other said "God bless you" and then they began prattling on about all of God's blessings.

Hey look, Mister. If God were to truly bless you, don't you think He'd do something about those nasty teeth of yours?

Anyway...they babbled about God and Jesus the whole time.

Susie made friends with a little Asian woman behind us who spoke very broken English. In fact, I think the only sentence she knew in English was "Yes". Because everything Susie said, the lady would nod her head, smile and say "Yes!"

SUSIE: "This sure is a long line!"

LADY: "Yes!"

SUSIE: "I'm glad we got in line when we did. It really seems to be growing."

LADY: "Yes!"

ME: "Have you ever had a lesbian affair with that hot-assed daughter of yours?"

LADY: "Yes!"

ME: "She doesn't speak English, honey."

SUSIE: "Oh. I just thought she was being friendly."

We finally made it to the front of the line after an hour of standing still. The two Christians in front of us would not shut up about how God had brought them together here and that God would bring them together again in the future, because that's what God does ... He hooks up the chatty and miserable.

I'm standing behind them rolling my eyes, knowing that it wasn't God that brought them together, it was the fact that this seemed to be the shortest line when we all first got into it. Except nobody took into consideration that we had Mongo as a checkout girl.

This girl was dumber than a shoe. She obviously had no experience as a checkout girl because she thought everyone in her line was there to see her. Instead of scanning toys, ringing them up and writing Driver's License numbers on checks...she wanted to make conversations with everyone.

She rang up Andrew's telephone and then wanted to play with it. I guess it was shiny or something and got her attention.

CHECKOUT GIRL: "This looks like a lot of fun!"

ME: "Yeah, if you're a year old."

CHECKOUT GIRL: (punching the buttons) "I think I could take it home and have lots of fun with it."

ME: "It may be too advanced for you, Sweetie."

Anyway, we escaped with our sanity, which was a good thing. Well, at least Andrew and I did. I still think Susie left her sanity on Aisle 3.

Susie and I discussed my taking Andrew to my parent's home in S.C. after Christmas for a few days while her family took over our home.

Susie wants to go too, because she's never been away from Andrew and doubts that she could be away from him for two days straight.

Susie hates going to my parent's house because Mom smokes like a chimney. And even though they have a large spacious house with high ceilings, we always tend to leave there smelling like we were in a saloon the entire time.

It's not the most pleasant thing in the world. But they are my parents and if that's their biggest fault, I can live with it.

Every time Susie goes, she gets headaches from the smoke and stays in her room most of the time reading. I know this offends Mom. Dad's like me...he really just doesn't care.

After we saw them in May, Susie said she didn't ever want to take Andrew in there again.

So I thought that if I took him there without her, that would be okay.


She wants to go too.

That's fine.


She wants her family to be able to stay in our house while we're gone.

I've kinda sorta got a slight problem with that. We're talking her sister and husband...their four boys...the oldest boy's girlfriend...and their new baby. is par for the course, all the inlaws that already live here in town will be over from noon until 10 p.m. every day. Playing with my computer, watching my DVDs, rummaging through my underwear drawers looking for spare change, stealing from Andrew's piggy bank, knocking shit off the walls and taking whatever CDs or Play Station games they want because "Uncle Bob will never miss them".

And eating all of our food.

At first, I told Susie that since we're getting the Texas brood an RV to stay in while they're here for 10 days, they can take that RV over to Grandma's house and sit in her driveway the whole time.

This didn't go over well.

In fact, if I recall, Susie cried about it.

So I decided that since there wasn't going to be a compromise in sight here ... do whatever the hell makes you happy, honey.

If you want to come to my parent's house where you'll be miserable rather than stay here to see your sister...fine.

If you want to let your family stay in our house and have sex in our bed...fine.

If you want them to eat all our food, make a pigsty of our home and clog up our toilets and break clocks and microwaves and computers, fine.


They will be responsible for EVERYTHING in this home. IF anything's broken or missing, they will write me a check for the full amount.

And I KNOW something will come up missing or broken. It HAS to. These people have no respect for their own belongings or homes. And hell...whenever the Coke-swilling, $6,000-owing, fat assed ZZ Top-looking brother-in-law comes over, you'd better BET he's going to break something or ruin something.

On Thursday, he dropped his two-liter bottle of "Dr. Thunder" (a generic Dr. Pepper) on the floor. THEN, he decided to put it on the table with everyone's plates on it and open it up.

Yes...Dr. Thunder explodes just like Dr. Pepper when it's been dropped. Cheap, generic soda went all over everyone's dinners.

Of course, this fucking asshole laughed about it. So did Grandma who added "It's not Thanksgiving unless Larry ruins something!"


...fucking slimebags....

I wanted to say "Hey, he's ruined my life! Isn't that enough for a while?"

But I didn't.

Anyway...Susie now has carte blanche to do whatever she wants as far as visiting my parents go.

I'm through arguing about it.


Because I really just don't care anymore.

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