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5:16 a.m. - 2002-06-29


Okayyyyy...I'm a big dumb queer.

I held on to the cable modem until the LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT because after reading some of y'all's answers to Question #1 on my survey, so many of you mentioned such great songs that I had never downloaded that I started downloading fistfuls of these tunes and keeping them in a folder titled "Diaryland Ass Shakers".

It looks like the #1 Ass Shaking Song amongst you guys is "Baby Got Back". Personally ... I like small butts and I cannot lie. But to each his own.

Then, my old buddy Lexilla mentions The Wiggles...that freaky Australian kid's group that my son is infatuated with. So I had to download every single one of their songs that I could find as well.

I guess I'm scared that three months is an awful long time and all online music can be outlawed by September. They tore down my beloved Audio Galaxy, so anything's possible.

Anyway...I downloaded 75 songs for the Diaryland Ass Shakers and 30 or so Wiggles tunes.

Now I can shake my ass all summer long.

Which ... is quite possibly one of the scariest visuals I've ever tossed out here.

Well, we closed on the house yesterday. It's official ... this house is no longer ours.

The closing was relatively painless for us. When all was said and done, we even got a check for a little less than a thousand dollars, which shocked us because we expected to pay about $1,500. So that was kinda cool.

After it was over, I told the new owner that I didn't want to freak her out, but God had told me that she was the new owner of the house as soon as she came to look at it. And that we had to work with her in order for her to get it and that's why we came down so low on the house. And that for some reason, God told me to tell her to take care of the house even though I personally didn't care what she did to the house, but that was God's plan.

So then she hugs me. know...was kinda weird and all.

So then she tells us that the whole thing was very spiritual for her too. As soon as she saw our house, she didn't see a house, she saw "a home". She told us again that she had seen nearly 100 houses since February (her realtor rolled her eyes and said it was more like 101) and that none of them jumped out at her like ours did.

Her realtor then said that there were nights that the new owner would call her and just giggle. And that she kept thinking something would go wrong and she wouldn't be able to get our house.

So I feel good about this. Yeah, we took a beating money-wise and probably could have made a great deal more if we had sold to someone else.

But this girl wants this house and she NEEDS this house.

And more importantly....hey...God told me to make sure we worked with her to get it.

I may not be the smartest businessman in the world...but I know you don't screw around with God.

So Susie and I came home and busted the proverbial ass to get as much carted out of here as we could and over to the new apartment.

Because even though I've got five guys coming over to help, a few of them are namby-pamby whiny asses who are going to bitch the entire time that they're having to help me move on a hot Saturday morning when they could be home in bed or on the golf course or nursing a hangover or staring at my old Playboys that they carted out of my workshop last weekend.

And the less these guys have to move, the better. I promised them all pizza and beer when we were finished which is really the only reason they're booze and food.

I want to be done by noon. I don't think that's going to happen, but that's when I'd LIKE to be done.

We'll see.

I had a weird dream last night that was getting really good and then a pounding headache woke me up.

I kept trying to go back to the dream and almost did. I kinda did. In a half-awake, half-asleep state, these two gals were making out in their underwear in front of me. know...that was good.

But it also featured Bobby from Perceptions.

And he was a quadriplegic. Or was acting like one anyway. He was being very quirky.

Then he started a riot with squirt guns.

And these girls wanted me to take their pictures of them in their underwear when I told them I was Uncle Bob.

And that's when the pounding headache started and I woke up.

Then, when I tried to go back to sleep...the two gals started making out.

But I was so excited that I had actually revisited a cool dream, that I woke myself back up again.

That sucked.

And I still have the pounding headache.


No wonder people never read diary entries that have dreams in them. Because the retelling of them sucks.

Alright...I've gotta get crackin' here. It's 5:45 a.m. and I'm already tired.

I've gotta unhook all the stereo equipment and this computer, shower, go pick up the U-haul and some beer and Gatorade, and run around the house boxing up whatever I see.

Y'all have a good one.

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