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8:20 a.m. - 2002-09-10


Man ... you just won't believe what a difference flooring and electricity can make in a house.

To continue my tradition of sounding like a broken record or CD or DVD or whatever the hell technology has invented today ... we had our carpet put in the house yesterday.

We've gone from concrete floors with empty Vienna Sausage cans everywhere to a nice beige carpet and vinyl flooring in the kitchen.

NOW it's a home.

Throw in some electricitiy so that the lights can be on and more importantly ... the air conditioning is working ... and damn, Junior ... you've got yourself a pretty sweet home.

We took Brian, Carrie and Ethan out to the house for their final night in town, because they wanted to see the progress that's been made in the last month since they went out there.

Since the electricity was on, we stayed around the house for a while and let the kids play while we chatted one more time.

And since you're probably wondering... "Were there any photos taken of this monumental event, Uncle Bob?" ... well yeah...there were.

Here's a photo of Brian and Ethan having some father-son fun while Carrie, Susie and Andrew watch.

And here's Andrew's idea of father-son fun ... humping Daddy's face for toddler sexual pleasure until he turns purple.

And yes ... you pervs...somehow my underwear made it into the shot, making this one of the most valuable digital photos ever printed on the web. Screw Pam and Tommy Lee's video .... THIS is the photo that will be making the underground rounds for years to come.

For those wondering, that's our bathroom in the background with our jacuzzi tub by the brick windows.

Let me just state for the record that I'm ashamed my underwear is now on the web. I would have cropped the photo, but then you would have had to miss my gorgeously pale thighs. And I felt like throwing some of you bored housewives a bone with a photo of my legs to help make that day go by just a little quicker if ya know what I mean...wink wink ... hand-held shower massager set to "throb"...nudge, nudge...

We left there and said our goodbyes in the driveway and not a tear was shed. Mainly because we had agreed that we will be going to visit them on our summer vacation next year. And throw in the fact that we will all be getting brand new homes in the next week and we're all a bit too jazzed about that to be upset about this whole thing. And when you factor in emails and digital photos and such ... it's almost like they'll still be here.

Except they won't be.

As I said the other day, it will probably sink in that they're gone in a few weeks after the newness of the house wears off.

My son has a cold now.

Personally, I think it's the West Nile Virus.

Then again, I think everyone's got the West Nile Virus.

I don't even know what the symptoms of the West Nile Virus is.

But damn.

The odds are pretty good that someone I know has it ... right?

Andrew vomited on me last night at the new house.

In his defense, he was running around with Ethan, charging through the house as quick as they could and yelling the whole time, being boys.

He came over to me as I sat on the floor, put his head in my lap and puked.

He then got up, smiled and went running off, yelling at the top of his lungs.

That's my boy.

Oh yeah...remember that announcement that I was going to be making last week and then I couldn't?

I think I can make it now.

I will no longer be recapping "Ed" for Television Without Pity.

The actual announcement that I was GOING to make is actually announced here and that announcement was going to be that Television Without Pity was closing its doors.

It's not.

Basically it's a cost-cutting measure for the site as they've got so many shows being recapped and "Ed" was just one of those shows that was hard to be an asshole about because it's such a great times. And since it was hard to pick and pull apart, it didn't really fit into the demographic that the site is trying to reach, which are angsty people looking to pick and pull apart television shows.

I'm not the least bit upset about this and have no ill will towards the owners of the site. They're awesomely cool people and they hated to cut me loose much more than I hated being cut loose. In fact, I was shocked that the move didn't come sooner. It was great being able to recap the show for the last two years and was an honor and a privilege to do so.

Do not worry, my little pinheaded friend. I've been assured that I have first dibs on recapping another show as soon as one comes open. Tara and I spoke yesterday (Tara being one of the owners of the site as well as the proprietor of the wonderful Hissyfit website) and we threw around the idea of me recapping the next big reality show or possibly some MTV show.

When something becomes available and I begin recapping for the site again, y'all will be the second to know. You know...after me.

Until then, I'm going to sit back and relax and enjoy an extended vacation away from recapping. Because as much as I love doing it, it truly IS a lot of hard work to do.

And finally ... I am putting off adding anyone else to the Army at this time.

Because my HTML document is pushed to the limit with the Army, I have to go through and remove the dead diaries and add the new ones which is a lot of work.

I've had a few of y'all go through and alert me of the dead diaries and even had lots of people write me to say "Remove diary's dead" or "Remove me, I took offense at your entry about how you don't understand homosexual desire". So for that, thanks. Especially the loser who wanted to be removed due to the gay entry. I don't need idiots cluttering up the Army anyway with your "Look at me! I'm politically corrrect and don't want to be associated with anyone who may traipse around the line of being somewhat offensive! I was just here for the free hits and didn't really have a clue as to what Uncle Bob was all about because I'm just a fucking sheep who does what everyone else does because I don't have a functioning brain cell of my own. Baa. Baa. Baaaaaaaa."

Yeah right. Blow me, sister.

And while you're down there, eat my ass you fuckin' punkwad.

There's a chore for you people today...make it your personal quest to call someone in your life "a fuckin' punkwad" today.

You'll feel much better afterwards.

I promise.

(Can you tell that my days of kissing everyone's ass and trying to be Mr. Nice Guy only to find out that people shit all over you when you're a nice guy are just about over?)

Anyway, the Army's on hold for the time being. And I may just drop it altogether here soon, since its original purpose was to guide people to other diaries and now Diaryland has several different venues in which to find other diaries such as profiles and diary rings and surveys and such.

So the Army may be biting the dust soon.

It's really up to you guys. Should I keep it or ditch it?

Leave me a message with any intelligent opinions why or why not on the message board.

You know.

Since I'm trying to be a nice guy and all.


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