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8:17 a.m. - 2002-10-18

THE FRIDAY FIFTY internet connection was down at home and I couldn't update this until I got to work. Because of this, you have to sit and suffer through my Friday Fifty...fifty more things about me you probably didn't need to know, but now know simply because yesterday was a fairly boring day. Have a good weekend.

1)I can shove an entire McDonald’s hamburger in my mouth at one time, chew it and eat it. I can also do the same thing with two whole Krystal burgers or White Castles. The square hamburgers. You know. Don't make me describe them.

2)I almost had a career in banking, but gave it up to be a club deejay. My parents are extremely proud of me.

3)The first job that I ever got paid for was shucking corn in Illinois. I got $5/hour and quit after four hours.

4)I’m right handed, but type better with my left hand than my right. Robert Stack still wants to devote an episode of "Unsolved Mysteries" to this phenomenon.

5)I’d love to retire in Switzerland.

6)I have no idea how to properly execute the Macarena or the Electric Slide.

7)The first time a girl tried to French kiss me, I thought she was doing something wrong and it freaked me out a bit. I broke up with her the next day. Yes. I was an idiot.

8)When I first went out for high school football, I literally did not know the difference between “offense” and “defense”. I just knew I wanted to get in shape and get a girlfriend. I did both. And sucked at football.

9)The best year of my life was 1982. I was 20.

10)The best day of my life was when my son was born. I was 38.

11)My parents refuse to tell my sisters or myself that they love us. That’s just the kind of family I come from.

12)We never hugged each other until my wife introduced hugging to my family. God. This is like therapy.

13)My favorite board game is Scattergories because it’s all about lying convincingly.

14)It takes an act of God to get my legs to tan properly.

15)When I was 10, I foolishly took a magic marker and drew pubic hair on my crotch to see what it would look like. It took days for me to scrub all that off. And the actual thing never looked anything like the massive forest I had originally imagined. I guess I thought I was half-bear or something.

16)I do everything fast with the exception of running.

17)I once rode in a limo to go specifically to McDonalds.

18)I hated chocolate as a child.

19)When I was 13, I bought the soundtrack to “Monty Python & The Holy Grail” on vinyl. On the back cover there was a warning that said “WARNING: This record can only be played ONCE!” I believed the warning and waited several months until I saved enough allowance money to buy a tape recorder so I could do a primitive and crude job of taping the record so that when the record could never be played again, I’d have a copy. The back cover lied.

20)I would eat fried bugs before I ate a grilled cheese sandwich.

21)I have slept on the right side of a king-sized bed for 14 years.

22)The first thing I notice on a woman is her hair. Second is her eyes.

23)I do not drink tea or coffee.

24)I collected Budweiser memorabilia in the 70s because Alice Cooper loved Budweiser and at the time I idolized the guy.

25)I never wear jeans to work, even though they’re allowed.

26)I’m not superstitious at all.

27)My least favorite song in the world is Clarence Carter’s “Strokin’”.

28)Fried foods make me incredibly sleepy.

29)I’m better at remembering phone numbers than names.

30)I quit playing air guitar in the privacy of my bedroom once I started getting laid.

31)I think Osama bin Laden is already dead.

32)I’ve never watched an entire episode of any “Star Trek” series.

33)I’m generally a pretty quiet guy.

34)I do not understand how somebody can look at a newborn baby and still not believe in God.

35)Before I left home for college, I gave my Dad my secret stash of Penthouse magazines. He was less than impressed.

36)My dad’s cousin was the secretary of Agriculture under President Reagan. I’ve never met the guy.

37)The night that I turned 20, it was my goal to make out with (French kiss) 20 different women. I surpassed that goal by 10 women.

38)“The Wizard of Oz” scared the crap out of me as a kid.

39)I sleep with two pillows on top of each other.

40)I’ve been at my current job for 15 months and still don’t know how to work the copy machine.

41)Fireworks bore me.

42)I once deejayed a party for the governor’s daughter’s Sweet 16 birthday party in the governor’s mansion and nearly broke the governor’s hand by shaking it.

43)I enjoy going to yard sales but rarely buy anything.

44)I’m claustrophobic.

45)I welcome trips to the dentist.

46)I think the scariest classic movie monster would be the Wolfman. You could outrun Frankenstein, perhaps reason with Dracula, but the Wolfman? Ain’t no reasoning with the Wolfman!

47)I do not follow professional sports of any kind.

48)I think religious fanatics have played an extremely large part in destroying our lives.

49)I’d much rather eat in a local restaurant than a chain restaurant.

50)I would give anything to find out whatever happened to my high school sweetheart.

Oh hey...Susie's gone on a business trip next week and leaving me in charge of being a single Daddy all week.

Seeing as how I'm TRYING to get this updated before 6 a.m. in the morning, still battling sleep apnea and now have the extra added job of being the sole caregiver for my son, I'm not sure what the entries will be like here next week or if they'll be posted in their usual timeframes.

That's just fair warning for those of you who are Bobaddicts.

Peace out.

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