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5:27 a.m. - 2002-11-11


I'm having me one of them there dilemmas right now.

See...yesterday, I was the last one to drive the mini van. Since we reached a record high of 84 degrees here yesterday, I rolled down the windows and opened the back windows. The back windows are the kind that open outward about two inches or so...creating a vacuum through the van that manages to suck air out of so that you get a nice stream of air through the van. It's really neat, but I don't want anyone thinking anything different at this point right now.

Anyway, I left those back windows open those two inches all night long and didn't park the van in the garage because I was cleaning out the garage.

And...well...we've had some pretty severe thunderstorms rolling through all night long.

So the windows are still open. Right now's not raining. Lotsa lightning and thunder...but no rain.

And I can't find the keys to the van.

Now dilemma.

Do I go wake the wife up an hour early to ask her where the van keys are?

Or do I succumb to the fact that it's probably soaking wet in the back of the van now and not worry about it and let the wife sleep?

Please...don't answer this question. By the time you send me an answer, she'll be awake and the point will be moot.

It's a HYPOTHETICAL question.

Well...not really. Since it actually happened.

But any of that advice you want to give me will be unwarranted by the time you give it to me.


I know you want to help and all...but really. Don't.

Speaking of helping and giving advice and all that jazz...tonight's the first night we have to watch the Perv since his Pornofest last Monday night.

I've had a week to make a decision. I've been given tons of good advice from you guys as well as people here.

Here's what I've decided.

No password protection.

No unhooking the computer monitor, keyboard, mouse or modem.

No locking the office door.

I'm going to sit him down as soon as he gets here and tell him that he's PERMANENTLY banned from ever using my computer again.

Furthermore, he can no longer come in my office to watch TV, read, play computer games, watch videos, listen to music, masturbate, sacrifice virgins, press flowers, bake cookies, re-enact various Star Wars scenes or cry.

(I have a fairly large office).

I will explain that he has lost any trust that I may have had in him when he looked up those strange sites last week...THE LEAST OFFENSIVE of which I posted links to last week.


If he betrays my trust ONE MORE TIME and comes in my office ONE MORE TIME...we will no longer watch him on Monday nights.

Which, ultimately, is what I want anyway. I want to wash my hands of this kid on a weekly basis.

For instance...tonight we have a community meeting at 6:30.

And we can't go.

Because we have to wait on Pervy to get here.

We can't commit to doing anything...because Pervy will be here.

I'm tired of Pervy. I'm tired of being saddled with him week in and week out. I'm tired of his lack of respect for our rules and his genuine creepiness.

So there ya go. He stays out of my office, he's told that we're on to him and if he decides to break my rules yet again, he's never coming back.

The end.

Roll credits.

Speaking of rolling credits (awesome segueways today, eh?), we had a casting call on Saturday for 6,000 extras to appear in a new Tim Burton film called "Big Fish".

The movie is being shot in my city and will star Ewan McGregor, Jessica Lange, Billy Crudup and a bunch of older actors.

Anyway, Tim Burton needs 6,000 locals as extras in the movie.

I wanted to go and try to get hired as an extra, but Andrew and I went to the Zoo instead.

Anyway...only a few hundred showed up for the casting call...way short of the 6,000 they were hoping to PICK from.

So it looks like there will be more casting calls.

Which I'll attend then.

So Uncle Bob could be coming to a big screen near you.

Be afraid.

Be VERY afraid.

The thunderstorms are getting worse outside so I should probably wrap this bee-yotch up.

Before I go, I'd like to congratulate all the nerdy geeks reading my site today.

This week has officially been dubbed "Nerdy Geek Week".

You've got "Star Wars II: Return Of The Really Sucky Sequels" coming to video and DVD.

You've got "Lord Of The Rings: The Really, Really Long and Boring Version" coming out this week.

And you've got "Harry Potter and His Geeky Friends Meet Some Wizards and Shit" coming to theaters.

It's a good time to be a geek.

Now, if there would only be a Star Trek convention somewhere in the world, you'd see geeks dying in droves with smiles on their faces.

This may just be enough to take Pervy's mind off of bizarre porn sites.

Key word being "may".


If you're really, really bored...go to Google Fight and stage some Google battles.

Trust's more fun than it sounds.

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