HICCUPPING DORKS AND PUDDING

Sorry this is so late...cable's down at home.

I never used to have problems with Charter Communications at the old house. I'd go plop down in front of the computer and the computer would just fire up and service my every command.

Internet Explorer?

Right here, sir.

E-mail?

Comin' right up.

Hours and hours of staring at the same Disney sites with your son who acts like a total geek every time he sees Winnie The Pooh's big yellow waterhead with that arrogant giggle of his flash across the screen?

We got ya covered, big guy.

But ever since we moved into the new house ... Charter Communications has been a selfish, self-serving little bitch dog who makes Joan Crawford look even-keeled.

To say that I'm a little ticked off with Charter right now would be correct.

I haven't reached total freak-out stage.

But the service has been down for about 24 hours now. So I'm knocking on Freak-out stage's door and I'm not getting an answer.

Therefore, it's just a matter of time.

What I'm REALLY worried about is ... what if we don't have internet access by tonight when Pervy's here?

I mean...how is he going to look at bukkake photos? I certainly haven't saved any on my hard drive.

I guess I could coat Susie's face with tapioca pudding, take photos and then "conveniently" leave them in the bathroom.

I feel quite sure the little pervert could get off on photos of his aunt's face getting showered with fake love juice.

Just doing my part as the uncle of a raging perv.

I've got the local news on as I type this and the dorky morning weatherman has the hiccups.

He's trying to get through the weather and he's hiccuping like every few words.

It's kind of amusing if you enjoy watching hiccupping dorks bitch about the cold at 5:30 in the morning.

Yesterday was an incredibly boring day.

Went to church about two hours early and got the website all caught up.

Sat through church. It was Youth Sunday where the kids conduct the entire service.

I say "kids"...the teenagers in the church do it. We have six teenagers in the church. Wait...five. The sixth person yesterday was a full-fledged adult. My bad.

After church, we had a members meeting where new people were nominated into positions at the church.

Susie was nominated first vice moderator of the "Board". Which means if the moderator can't make it to a monthly board meeting, she conducts the meeting.

Everyone voted "YAY" for her, except me....her sole "NAY" vote.

People giggled when I voted NAY, but I informed them that they didn't have to live with her and that somebody had to step up and keep her ego in check.

Everyone thought I was trying to be funny.

I was dead serious.

Came home, I hinted around that I wanted some afternoon delight, but the wife was still a bit steamed about me trying to derail her gig of being the first vice moderator so I took a nap alone.

Woke up and she had gone back to church to teach Children's Choir. I watched "Friends" and "Scrubs" from the other night and giggled myself silly.

"A pimp spat in my mouth". HA!!

Then, I made Chicken Parmesan. I didn't have flour so I had to call on Mattie Gee to see if he had any flour. Luckily for me, he did. We met out in the backyard, he gave me flour, I gave him mucho love, went back in and finished cooking dinner.

I watched VH1 Classics all night. I love that channel. It's got to be my new favorite channel. Except when they play obscure 80s hair metal videos. Jeepers....there were a shitload of obscure 80s hair metal bands back in the day.

Saxon?

Circus of Power?

McQueen Street??

Well...I had heard of McQueen Street since they're actually hometown boys that I had interviewed several years ago. It was kinda cool seeing them on there because they only had one "hit" that I promised myself I'd remember the name of this morning but it totally escapes me right now.

But ... anyway....love the VH1 Classics.

Right now they're playing Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" which holds the distinction of having the highest Beats Per Minute of any song that I have ever attempted to play in a party setting. Which no doubt has you people gasping in amazement.

Please...contain your gasping.

So I watched that last night. And rather than normal programming ... they were playing the new Tom Petty CD in its entirety while running a minute-long montage of video clips that he had done over the years. For over an hour, it was this same minute running over and over again while you listened to the new disc.

Pretty cool really.

Different. But cool.

Anyway...that was my day yesterday.

Which is why I spent the majority of today's entry bitching about my lack of internet service.

Makes sense now, huh?

So tomorrow's the big day.

Are you as excited as I am?

I've been waiting over 20 years for tomorrow.

How many of you remember what I'm talking about???

I bet none of you do, since I've only mentioned it once that I recall.

The worst part is ... I'm catching a cold from Andrew.

I don't need a cold for tomorrow.

Because tomorrow's the big day.

I'll give you a hint ... what I'm doing tomorrow has been compared to a "religious experience".

Anyway...I'm sure I'll talk more about it tomorrow and give you a full report on Wednesday.

Until then, warm up the edge of that seat. You're going to be there a while.

Peace out.