ANDREW AND HIS ELTON JOHN PHASE

I'd like to speak briefly today about quantum physics.

You see ... while Newtonian physics can suitably describe the orbit of the planets or the energy transformations during a game of pool, quantum physics describes how electrons surround the nucleus of the atom and other subatomic actions.

That's uhhhh...that's really all I felt like cutting and pasting from a website about quantum physics.

I just realized I had never started an entry off discussing quantum physics. Figured it was time. That's all.

So, I stayed home all day yesterday with Andrew as we both had the strep. But after 36 hours of antibiotics, I think we're both feeling better.

I never felt that bad really. A sore throat. Dryness in the mouth. A painful throbbing colon, but that could easily be attributed to my constant prodding with unlubricated raw vegetables and not strep throat, don't ya think?

It was kinda funny yesterday.

I did a bit more research on autism and related subjects that you guys suggested like Apraxia, Asperger's Syndrome and The Hanen Program.

One question that kept coming up over and over again was "Does your child avoid eye contact?"

I had to think long and hard about this one as I stared at him.

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Uhhhhhh....no??

One new thing he learned yesterday ... he can now write the letter "A".

He's fascinated with the letter "A". That's how his name starts and every day at daycare, Miss Robin holds Andrew's hand as they write his name on every project that he does.

Yesterday, he had a pad of paper and a pen and was doodling while I prodded myself with a rutabaga.

He was saying "A. A. A. A. A."

I looked over and he had written all these perfect "A"s.

He's 2 and almost three months.

And I say by the time he's three he'll be able to write his name.

You watch.

I appreciate the 15 of you yesterday that signed up for Swappingtons yesterday and put "Bob" down as a reference.

But what about the rest of you 1,827 people who stopped by?

You just poo-poo'ed my little request to join up.

I'm very disappointed in each and every one of you.

Except those who have already signed up.

This truly is a revolutionary new service and the more people that sign up and take part, the better it will be.

I should be getting my first batch of DVDs in any day now with another wave coming next week.

Here...take a look at some of the stuff that's being offered right now.

The fun part is ... you have to be the first to make an offer on stuff. So you're constantly checking to see if anyone's put anything out there that you would want. Because if you snooze, you lose.

I'd have to say it's my new favorite guilty pleasure site, taking the place of Uncle Bob's Used Cars.

Seriously...sign up for Swappington's if you haven't already done so, put "Bob" down as your referral and start enjoying free CDs, videotapes, books, DVDs, Video Games and soon-to-be more.

Remember, don't put "Uncle Bob" down as a referral. That's some other sneaky bastard that saw I wasn't using the nickname and nabbed it for him/herself.

Uncle Bob...whoever you are ... I shake my fist at you menacingly.

Granted, it's my own fault. I wanted to be incognito there and went with Bob rather than Uncle Bob.

Now, sadly, I'm paying for it.

Through the ass, I might add.

The zucchini-filled ass.

Why am I so hellbent on talking about veggies in the ass this morning?

I mean...it's a lie. I don't have veggies in the ass and never have had veggies in my ass.

Gawd.

I'm disturbed.

Watched "American Idol Pt. II" last night.

I seriously hope the show's as hilarious once it gets started as these first two episodes have been, but seriously doubt it.

I would think it starts getting more into the competition and you find someone to root for and you root for them in an orderly fashion.

Which sucks. Because ... maaaan...nothing beats watching people who can't sing worth a shit embarrass themselves on television.

THAT'S entertainment.

They should create a show ("they" meaning space aliens) that would focus on really shitty singers singing their guts out and having the judges badmouth them.

Call it "American Shitheads" or something.

I'd be glued to my set more than I already am.

Also watched the latest installment of "Celebrity Mole".

I say the Mole is Frederique and Kathy will win it all.

I've been saying this since the beginning. Well...I've been saying that Frederique was the mole.

Anybody care to make any bets?

Oh hey.

Suck Ass Poems was linked by College Humor this past Monday or Tuesday.

I thought it was cool, but didn't think it was all that big a deal.

Then yesterday, for the hell of it, I checked the stats on Suck Ass to see if College Humor boosted its numbers up any.

Can you say

"Holy Shit" ?

Lesson to be learned here...do your damndest to get your site mentioned on College Humor if you're looking to get hits.

That's all the time I have. Amazingly, Andrew has slept in this morning...it's almost 5:15 and he's still snoring.

God bless antibiotics.