HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO GET PUBLISHED

Sooooo...once again I'm turning to you guys for some help.

...And no, it's not begging you to sign up for Swappingtons and put me down as the person who referred you to it.

But ... you know...if you haven't done that yet, you seriously need to. I'm sitting on ten new DVDs that I've got to start watching and should be getting more in the mail today. That's SWAPPINGTONS. The only website that offers you DVDs for the price of a little postage and handling. Two bucks and you've got a DVD.

God bless America, Andrew and his native Canada.

So anyway...I got this email yesterday and rather than paraphrase it, I'm just going to let you all read it....

Hi! I am a stay at home mom, with a degree in journalism who wants to make a difference! My goal is to compile a collection of letters, journal entries that illuminate moments in people's lives. Your best, or worst moment, or just an ordinary moment that also may sum up a part of who you are. Ideally written in first person, present tense (diary style.) Would you be willing to submit any of your writings? The idea is to publish a book that represents moments of people from all of the world, all walks of life. The entries can be anonymous (which encourages honesty of course) as long as they have race, gender, age, and either, city or state...would you be able to help me in any way? And/or maybe you know of someone who would? Thank you for your time!

If interested, please send submissions to

Genia Stemper

1236 Via Montoya

Camarillo, CA 93010

or [email protected]

So here's your chance people ... if you think you've ever written something that fits what this lady is looking for, send her the link to your entry. You may end up published in an honest-to-goodness book.

Or if you'd like to nominate someone else's writings because you have the writing capabilities of a brain-damaged squirrel, send her that link. She told me she'd rather have too much to pore over than not enough.

I sent her the Letter to my Unborn Son because I couldn't really think of what else to send. And I suggested a few other diary entries from other people who should have been contacted by her by now.

Anyway, it sounds like a pretty cool project and I just thought I'd pass it on.

Susie's gone to a seminar all day today, so it's me and the boy hanging out by ourselves.

He said "juice" last night. It totally freaked me out.

I was sitting on the couch and he came over and started whining.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Juice?" he asked quietly.

Totally blew me away. He's never said "Juice". I leaped up and followed him to the kitchen where he danced in front of the fridge and we pulled out the juice. He started panting like a dog...for some reason he does that when he gets excited. I poured him some juice, he grabbed it and hauled ass back to the living room to play and drink juice in his SPILLPROOF cup.

I thought I'd better throw the whole Spillproof thing in there, so I didn't have angry emails..."What? Your son can carelessly drink juice in your living room but your dog can't vomit huge piles of crap there?"

Not a drop of juice will hit the carpet.

So ... you know ... if you could find it in your heart...eat me.

We watched "Memento" for the first time last night.

I've been wanting to see it since it came out. But when it came out, Andrew was a leetle shaver and I knew you had to concentrate heavily on the film in order to get it.

Andrew was fascinated with his blocks last night, so we put the movie in.

I liked it okay, but I got confused several times, which is understandable considering the source.

I had to look up a site that would explain it to me afterwards. So if you've already seen the movie and didn't know what to make of it, that site ties it up nicely.

Mom got sent home from the hospital yesterday which was great.

I talked to her last night and heavily encouraged her to get a Xanax prescription with several refills.

She hasn't smoked since Tuesday. This is a woman who smoked 2-3 packs a day.

I just hope she keeps that up. Her arteries are more clogged than the LA Freeway at rush hour and her lifestyle doesn't help matters any.

I turned in my recap for The Surreal Life last night.

For those of you who are watching it, you know how tough it was to make the recap funny.

For those of you who don't watch it ... Motley Crue lead singer Vince Neil is telling everyone that he's lost faith in God since his four year-old daughter died of cancer. MC Hammer decides that he needs to help Vince get his faith back so they take him to church and bring him up in front of everyone and try to give him the power of prayer or something.

Needless to say ... my list of jokes to crack about children who have died of cancer is a fairly limited one.

Still ... I walked a fine line and got the job done nicely.

It's not the recap that I'm most proud of. In fact, it's probably the recap that I'm least proud of. The first one that I wrote for the show is still my favorite.

But as I've learned countless times over the years ... the stuff I write that I find hilarious is usually not the same as what other people find funny.

I've had SEVERAL emails telling me how funny they thought this passage was where I was talking about Emmanuel "Webster" Lewis and his serious lack of talent:

You creepy little shitnugget, just admit it: the reason you don't want to do this talent show is because you have no talent. Your only talent is that you've got some disease that kept you from ever knock knock knocking on puberty's door and your parents managed to find a way to capitalize on your freakish nature for a few years until America grew tired of your forced cutesiness and turned its back on you like a drug addicted bus-station performer.

I mean...that's something I squirted out in less than a minute. It's cruel, it's biting and it's uncalled for.

But I've received at least 20 emails praising me for that paragraph.

Go figure.

Alright...I've got stuff to do and this entry is going nowhere fast so let's just put it out of its misery now and go on about our days, mmmkay?

DO take the time to think about an entry of yours or one that you've read recently that you'd like to submit to the project listed above though.

Honestly ... that's the only reason I came here this morning.