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5:42 a.m. - 2003-03-31


Andrew learned two new things this weekend.

The first is how to operate the VCR.

He's figured out how to put a tape in correctly and he knows that the tape will start as soon as he puts it in the machine.

He hasn't figured out the concept of "rewinding the tape" yet and gets extremely hostile when a tape needs to be rewound.

He has roughly 20-25 tapes of his own. Wiggles tapes, Dora tapes, Baby Einstein tapes.

But he's completely and utterly fascinated with two tapes ... Baby Shakespeare and Baby Van Gogh.

The first discusses simple words like "tree", "apple" and "cock ring".

The second focuses on colors and has the two hottie daughters of the tapes' creators as stars of the tape.

I say they're hotties. The oldest is probably six while the younger one is three.

But to Andrew...they're hotties. He has a huge grin any time either of them come on the screen and often hides his eyes, peeking out from behind his hands at the little ladies.

So since he's figured this out, you can imagine what we watched this weekend.

That's right...Baby Shakespeare and Van Gogh.

Since it was a brisk and cold weekend, we didn't get to play outside like we have been doing lately.

Andrew has watched these tapes so much, he now knows them by heart. He says "Ready?" when some fast music is about to come on. This is my cue to yell "GO!" and he dances like an imbecile, grinning like a psycho as the music plays.

This is apparently "fun" to him.

Which is cool I guess. It sure beats admonishing him for constantly looking up Japanese animated porn on the computer.

Would you care to guess what word he finally learned this weekend?


Do you need a hint at the top of this entry?


Go back to the top of the entry for your hint.

Yep, Andrew learned the word "No".

Now, every single question you ask him is answered with a simple "No".

"Andrew, are you ready for bed?"


"Andrew, would you like some more Goldfish?"


"Andrew, would you like to watch Baby Shakespeare?"

"No (as he tries to cram the Baby Shakespeare tape into the VCR)."

We're in really good shape for our yard sale this Saturday.

We have half a garage full of stuff to get rid of. Everything is clearly priced and sorted and cleaned.

I'm...I'm...I'm really boring this morning, huh?

I mean...look at me.

I'm telling you about how we've gotten everything ready for a yard sale.

How pathetic is that?

Is my life really that incredibly boring and pathetic that I feel like talking about having clearly priced yard sale items prepared to go for this weekend is worthy fodder for your perusal?


It's not.

But the exciting parts of my life that have been going on cannot be revealed just yet.

Stay tuned.

Hopefully by the end of this week, I'll have bombshell after bombshell to report.

Friday night I met a couple of new neighbors as Andrew and I walked around the neighborhood.

I met Stan and Charlie.

They're not the happy gay couple on the street. They're both married and live in different homes, but their wives were inside or something.

Both super nice guys.

Stan introduced me to his daughters...Mercedes and Lexis.

That's right.

He named his daughters after nice cars.

I didn't ask him this, it's just an educated guess.

I doubt he and his wife took a look at their newborn babies and happened to pick two names out of the air that coincidentally were also brand names for luxury cars.


Sure. That could happen.


That's too big of a coincident.

I'm seriously hoping he gets his wife knocked up with a third child.

I'll be sure to start a betting pool on the street as to what they name the next baby.

My money's on Ford Lincoln Mercury.

I seriously have no business updating this morning, as I can't get my poo together long enough to crank out anything worth reading.

So today's entry was just for me.

Sorry you had to be a part of it.

I promise ... business will be picking up around here soon.

Tee hee!

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