OLDER BUT HARDLY WISER

God, I'm getting old.

Our annual music fest is coming up in less than two weeks here. The one where we close off the streets of downtown, erect four music stages and everyone gets drunk and parties their respective booties off.

I've written about the event and some of the horrible things I've done in past yearshere.

That's back when I was still a party animal. You might realize that when I talk about lighting up joints around children.

Now, with the addition of a toddler to our family, I'm no longer a party animal.

And I'm actually going to be working at the event.

Well ... not exactly working. I'm going to be sitting in the city's visitor center from 4-6 p.m. on Saturday, answering questions like "Where's the bathroom?" "Where's the water fountain?" and the always popular "Aren't you Uncle Bob, King o' Nothing?"

I've already practiced my answers ... "Over there" "Over there" and "Nope".

It's quite a big step for me. Although technically, last year I took the family to the music fest and didn't party.

But this year...working at the music fest rather than getting drunk?

That spells O-L-D in my book.

Then again, there's very few acts I want to see.

Mediski, Martin and Wood are headlining one night.

I've heard of them but never heard their music.

Everclear is closing the weekend and I do like an awful lot of their songs, but not enough to take my fat ass down there in the heat and be accosted by local youth with slurs like "Hey Grandpa, quit pogoing! You'll throw your back out!"

Which, sadly, I would.

Other than those two, the lineups really suck.

James Brown. The Doobie Brothers. Nappy Roots, Brian McKnight, Peter Frampton.

I don't care to see any of those. I might catch a glimpse of James Brown, but he doesn't come on stage until 10 p.m. and if we have Andrew with us, that'll be way past his bedtime.

My days of partying hard are officially over.

*sigh*

Today I have to go speak at a local elementary school for Career Day.

Apparently, I've got to speak to one class for each grade from first grade through sixth.

I have to talk about what I do at my job.

Here's the sad part...I don't KNOW what I do at my job.

And what I do know about my job would bore the crap out of most children.

"Well, I write letters urging advertising agencies to devise marketing strategies in order to boost the economy and make tourism a vital entity to our city's future. In addition, I work to improve the economic well-being of the business community as well as enhance the quality of life of the area through the creation and preservation of jobs. Any questions?"

A sea of bored and disinterested faces will greet me.

Way to go, Uncle Bob. You're officially boring now.

My luck, some kid will raise his hand and say "Didn't I see you smoking a fat doobie in that hotel elevator a few years ago during our city's music fest?"

Uhhhhh...that was my evil twin. Next question.

That's my pitiful entry for the day.

Honestly...life's been pretty boring the last 24 hours.

Hey, at least tomorrow I'll be able to write about speaking at the elementary school.

That's always interesting.

Yep.

If I keep telling myself that, eventually I'll start to believe it.