ALL BOOBS ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL

So uhhhh....yeah. Thanks for pointing me in the direction of finding the Playboy pictures of Heidi and Jenna from Survivor on the web.

Nothing like several people stepping forward to help you find naked pictures of women to REALLY make you feel like a perv.

I've now seen 'em.

And am damned glad I didn't pay money to see them.

And Jaki, I think you're right ... there's something up with Heidi's botched Boobapalooza because she never shows both the boobies at once except for the pictures where she's lying on top of Jenna and at that point, you're kinda goin'...wha' the hell???

I'd link to it, but I'm not linking to porn here. Too many kids reading this shit. I'm no role model ... but I've got some morals.

But if you check my message board...Me, Myself and I linked to the pics.

Go Me! Go Myself! Go I!

So last night it's me and Andrew once again because Suze is hellbent on becoming a millionaire with this S0uthern L!ving stuff.

They're building a house next to Mattie Gee and they just began laying the foundation so there's these huge mounds of sand back there.

I thought the kid would enjoy his own mini-desert so we walked up there.

He had a good time, but at one point, he put his hand on his cheek and wanted me to hold him.

He wouldn't take his hand off his cheek.

We went for a walk, we saw a dog and laughed at the dog as it barked at us, we played at the neighbor's house ... the whole time he held his cheek.

We get home and I decided to give him a bath since he had sand on him and had been sweating.

So he's bathing and has taken his hand off his cheek.

But while he's sitting in there, he opened his mouth and a thick wad of bloody phlegm fell out and landed in the water.

I tried to scoop the bloody phlegm out of the bath water, but man...them bloody phlegm clots...they be slippery!

He was fine after that. No more cheek holding. Acted like he wasn't in any pain.

He wouldn't let me look in his mouth though, so I have no idea what's going on inside there.

But all he'd eat for dinner were Wheat Thins.

Granted, he ate his share of Skittles on the way home.

Which made me think maybe he got a Skittle lodged in his gum, because those little sugary bastards can be pretty sharp when they're bitten in half.

I mean...you could probably rob a bank while waving half a Skittle in your hand like a madman.

I'm no doctor. It's probably important that I clarify that here.

But I think that's all there is to it.

Broken Skittle lodged in the gumline.

That'll be $100, please.

Please pay the receptionist out front.

Wendigo and I went to Arby's yesterday for a quick lunch and had the BEST service.

We were greeted by at least three of the employees who all seemed to be in great moods. The manager was cutting up with them and was just so pleasant.

It's a sad commentary on society that I feel compelled to write about this in my diary.

Because we are conditioned to just get mediocre service at best from fast food employees, we're shocked when we receive good service.

Wendi wanted to write a letter to the manager's boss, lavishing praise on the manager and his staff.

But...five minutes later we had forgotten all about it.

Sorry Manager Guy.

Good job.

But you probably won't be receiving that upper management pat on the back that you were bucking for with us.

I'm hungry but I'm not.

My stomach's hot and empty ... but nothing sounds good to eat.

Could I have ulcers?

Sorry...the hypochondriac in me.

I can't think of much more to tell you.

Hell ... I'm shocked I came up with THAT much.

See ya.