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5:50 a.m. - 2003-08-21


You know … I think if I were still single and I met a girl and we went to bed and her idea of talking dirty to me was to keep referring to her genitals as her vagina as in "Pound my velvet-like vagina, you big ol' hunk o' man!" I'd probably have to break up with her.

That goes double for chicks that call it their "throbbing crimson stink hole".

So the producers of the show "Extreme Makeover" are coming to town on Saturday morning to find some people that they believe need some … well … for lack of a better term … extreme makeovers.

I'm thinking about going.

If for no other reason than to go and snicker at the other applicants and say, "GawdDAMN your teeth are crooked!"

I do believe that I have now received exactly two emails from everyone in the universe with the subject line "Your Application" or "That Movie" or "Your Details".

You can all stop sending them now.

And by the way, I already have a wicked screensaver of Anna Nicole Smith humping her poodle. I have no use for two wicked screensavers.

I'm thinking of buying a sports jersey and having the word "Cockmonkey" put on the back like it was my last name.

Strictly for kicks, mind you.

Did y'all know that those five guys on "Queer Eye For A Straight Guy" are all gay?

I mean, c'mon…what's next??

If Hollywood isn't careful, there'll be TONS of homosexuals in the entertainment industry!

I know this officially makes me a perv....but dammit all to hell ... those Olson twins are some hot hot McHotties!

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