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6:06 a.m. - 2003-11-06


After receiving thousands of emails (*cough*) suggesting men's names that begin with "H" that are cool, the overwhelming favorite was ....




Yes, Hank.

No. Seriously. Hank??

Yes. Read my lips. Haaaaaaank.

People thought Hank was a cool name??

Yes. The overwhelming majority said "Hank".

Now ... let's focus on famous people named Hank.

I can think of two. Two that are still alive anyway.

Hank Hill from "King of the Hill".

Sorry. Uncool. I don't think anyone here would consider him a cool role model.

Second ... Hank Williams Jr.

He's a rowdy redneck country singer.

But even Hank Williams Jr. hates the name Hank.

More often than not, he goes by the nickname "Bocephus".

So you tell me ... how bad does a name have to be before you tell your friends "You know ... if you guys don't mind, I'd much rather be called Bocephus."

My answer?

Pretty stinkin' bad.

In case you've been living under a rock recently, I've got something to tell you.

Dude. Find a cardboard box or something. There's no need for you to be sleeping under a freakin' rock.

Second ... there's a new website in town many of you may be interested in.

Check it out here.

Let's call a spade a spade here.

Ever since I let my three year-old son Andrew write his review of the Wiggles concert last week, the response to have him back has been overwhelming.

I've received emails as far away as Jupiter begging for me to turn the reins over to Andrew again.

Let's keep in mind ... he's three, people. The kid needs his playtime and his sleep and isn't quite ready yet to commit to the daily grind of diary updating.

Still, he's got a little time to donate.

That said, please welcome the very first installment of ....










Dear Andrew,

I'm a lonely man who can only find solace when I'm posing as a young Oriental schoolgirl online in order to cyber-sex other lonely men. It's a compulsion that I wish I could stop, but it turns me on so much to have other lonely men tell me how much they want to smooch my fake boobies that I can't imagine ever stopping. What should I do?


Genghis Jon


Dear Genghis Jon,

You's one sick motherfucker. If you was to ever try that shit on my ass, I'd pop your head like a motherfuckin' zit. You'd be all "Please stop hitting me, Mr. Andrew!" and I'd be all "BLAM! BLAM! How you like me now, you corrupt motherfucker?"

Git yo' motherfuckin' ass some help before somebody beats you down like a bad dawg.



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