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5:01 a.m. - 2003-11-10


So Susie wanted to watch "Saving Jessica Lynch" last night, not knowing a thing about the movie except some chick gets her legs broken and has to wait for some friends to come rescue her.

But I secretly put "Saving Private Ryan" in the DVD player instead.


The first five minutes alone were priceless.

"There she goes! There's Jessica Lynch getting her torso blown off with Tom Hanks hanging over her! She's dead! Let's watch 'Office Space' one more time!!"

(For the record, I don't get the appeal of "Office Space". I've seen it once and have no interest in seeing it again.)

((For the record once again, Susie wasn't fooled by my switcheroo and she watched her silly little chick flick war movie while I downloaded senior citizen porn)).










I have a sickness.

And no ... it doesn't concern downloading senior citizen porn. That's a hobby.

I can't stop buying DVDs.

I've been buying them behind my wife's back and when she gets the bills (which she always does because I have zero interest in juggling the money situation after I've spent it all on DVDs), she either A) yells at me and says that these DVDs won't put Andrew through college or B)doesn't yell at me. Doesn't speak to me. Doesn't acknowledge me.

I always prefer B to A. Because then I have more time to watch my new DVDs.

Anyway, there's this Wherehouse Music store going out of business in our town.

I'm sure I've told you about it.

Anyway, this week, I bought 11 DVDs there at half price.

Basically, they're all $10 since Wherehouse overprices the shit out of their DVDs and that's why they're going out of business.

So I spent $100 on DVDs, but got twice as much as I would have at regular price.

What a bargain, eh?

Anyway, since your ass is dying to know what I've gotten lately, I'll share.

Plus, as an extra added bonus ... I'll give my thoughts on each disc!!


Are you as excited as I am about this???


Okay ... here we go!

1) The Life of David Gale - Haven't seen it yet. Everyone says it's good. "Everyone" meaning two people at work. Alright, I'm lying. One person at work. I sound like a crackhead trying to justify their habit.

2) Roger & Me - I love this movie. Not to the point where I'd watch it more than ... ohhhh...say once in a lifetime. But how could I resist it? It was sitting there in its pitiful little rack, begging me to take it home while all the other movies were getting snatched up like pain pills out of Rush Limbaugh's toilet.

3) Rocky - A chick flick for guys. Who among us doesn't loudly sob when he's screaming for Adrienne at the end? Who among us doesn't fall on the floor, pounding our fists while the tears fly out of our face at that moment? Who among us hasn't been threatened with physical violence if we don't shut the fuck up at the end? See? I HAD to have it!

4) When Harry Met Sally - Who among us don't cry when it gets to be New Year's Eve in this movie? Plus, the movie serves as a testament to the fact that Billy Crystal wasn't always an annoying fuckpig.

5) The Shining - I do not need to elaborate on this one. But I plan on making Susie and Andrew watch it one day while I come back here to my office and type out "All Work and No Play Make Uncle Bob A Dull Boy" several thousand times to keep them on their toes.

6) House of 1,000 Corpses - The only movie that I cannot justify buying. I downloaded the flick off KaZaa and tried to watch it and wasn't that impressed. Then again, I was watching it in a window the size of a postage stamp. Maybe on an actual television I'll get more out of it.

7) The Hitcher - I love me some psychological thrillers and this is the granddaddy mindfuck movie of them all. Made me want to never pick up a hitchhiker again. Not that I ever did, but I DID used to do a lot of acid and it cured me of that too.

8) Roy Orbison: A Black and White Night - It's no secret, I still love Roy Orbison 15 years after his death. I cannot explain it except that his songs are so heartbreaking and they still make me sad today. PLUS ... put the man on a stage with three of my all-time favorite singer/songwriters (Bruce Springsteen, Elvis Costello and Tom Waits) and I'm almost in musical HEAVEN. If they'd just added the drummer from Warrant, I'd whack off every time I saw the DVD 'cos it'd be so damned beautiful.

9) Big - Susie loves Tom Hanks and I figure we need to get all of his movies where he's not dealing with strange Nazi neighbors or fighting a volcano.

10) National Lampoon's Vacation - I'd been wanting to get this since it came out. I laughed my ass off in the theater when I saw this and had to have several ushers help me find it (my ass). Now it comes with a commentary from the cast including Anthony F'n Michael Hall. A wise investment if you ask me.

11) Ringo or Ringu or something - The original Japanese film that "The Ring" was based from. I wasn't that impressed with the American "Ring" and I heard this one was much scarier. So I found this one and snatched it up. My God. Gimme the American version anyday. This one was so dull that I had to watch it on four separate occasions because I kept falling asleep. Another thing, it's all in Japanese and it wasn't until close to the end of the film that I thought about turning the subtitles on. Them Japanese ... they talk funny! That was the best part of the movie ... imitating them. "Ching chang chow!" HA!! "Ching chang chow, here comes evil girl out of TV!" DOUBLE HA! HA HA! Really, seriously ... this shit sucked. I hate any of you who tried to tell me it was decent. Ching, chang, chow my ass.

Hey, I made it past the first Tribal Council in Diaryland Survivor.

Still ... I did receive one vote.

I wanna know who voted for me.


...Sorry...just working on my Rupert impression.

So now we're split into tribes and luckily, they didn't put me in the same tribe as that Genghis Jon idiot.

I got in the cool tribe with Cosmicrayola,Odalisk,Saxy Jack Clar,Jason75,and Call 911.

The LaFitte tribe.

That other tribe ... I think their new name is the LOSER tribe.

Good luck!


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