MAH DADDY IS A PIMP

You know what I'm tired of?

I'm tired of these local television commercials for local businesses where the business owners put their ignorant little fucking kids in the commercial saying something stupid like "My Daddy really knows how to clean carpets!" or "My Daddy isn't like all the other sleazy used car salesmen in town ... he's honest!"

Being in Alabama, every time some moron decides to put the fate of his business in his snot-nosed brat's hands, I'm pelted with country fried southern drawls while I'm trying to watch the news.

"Mah Daddy reallllly knoooooows howwwww toooo cleeeeeeean carpeeeeeets".

Here's a clue, kid. I used to clean carpets for a living. It ain't rocket science. Your daddy hasn't discovered some fucking revolutionary way to clean a carpet that leaves it sterile.

But your daddy has discovered that if he successfully manages to pimp his kid out so that the kid's massacre of the English language assaults the eardrums of everyone sitting near a television, he'll incur the wrath of fat guys with online diaries.

Yep.

Way to go, Pops.