A SHOCKING TWIST

So I got my Lightning Reaction game yesterday.

Ummmmmm...ouch???

I was expecting a "mild shock" when I first tried it out.

What I received was the sensation that a rabid beaver had been chewing on my hand for several hours wrapped up into a few seconds of intense pain.

My hand is still slightly numb from the shock over 12 hours later.

I would have cried when I did it, but there was nobody around to feel sorry for me so I didn't.

Instead, I went and sat on the front porch and rubbed my hand as the neighborhood kids played in the street.

I'm a freakin' magnet for the kids. I don't know why. They see me on the front porch and they come runnin'.

"Wha'cha doin' Uncle Bob?" one asked.

"Ohhhhh ... just thinking about my new game," I said, trying to massage some feeling back into my hand.

Naturally, the buzz begins and the kids want to see my new game.

Now ... for the sake of clarity, it says right on the box "Keep out of reach of children".

"This is not a toy".

But here's the way I look at it: Your damned kids should be supervised if you don't want the freak-assed neighbor shocking the shit out of them on a Tuesday afternoon.

Here are the reviews:

"D": "I don't want to play that anymore".

"W": "That tickled, but hurt".

Those are really the only kids brave enough to give it a shot.

Susie tried it when she got home.

Her review?

Susie: "Shit! Goddammit! Fucker! You fucker!!!"

...Keep in mind ... Susie's the resident devout Christian.

I guess the best review I can give it echoes the sentiment of "D" ... I don't want to play it again and I haven't played it.

And for those of you who are just a wee bit curious to give it a shot ... here's where I got it.

But let me remind you ... this bastard HURTS!

I've decided that I am going to start billing my DJ services as "Reverend Bob ... the High Priest of Rhythmic Noise for the Church of Rock".

I doubt I get any more gigs from having such a fucked-up name.

But at least it sounds somewhat cool. Cheesy as well. But if I say it fast enough, the cheese factor may be cut in half because people will just stand there and go "What'd he just say?"

And then someone else will say "I dunno. But it must have been cool because he said it really really fast."

I watched the best movie I've seen in years yesterday.

"Big Fish".

The majority of the film was shot right here in my little town so it's really cool to watch and see landmarks that I'm familiar with.

But the story was just beautiful as well.

I didn't expect to like it as much as I did, but I loved it.

And yes ... I cried at the end.

It's basically a guy's chick flick.

For us old guys who need a good cry every now and then.

Too much information?

Finally ... before I forget ... the Citrus Chicken was great the other night.

Many of you ... alright ... three of you ... wanted the recipe.

I suggest all of you try this. It's that good. It'd be especially good on a crisp salad with a sesame dressing.

Yes ... I'm the poor man's Martha Stewart.

Then again ... Martha Stewart is now a poor man's Martha Stewart, eh?

CITRUS CHICKEN

1/2 cup frozen (thawed) orange juice concentrate

1/4 cup vegetable oil

1/4 cup lemon juice

2 tablespoons grated orange peel

1 teaspoon salt

1 clove garlic, finely chopped

6 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves

....

1) Combine all ingredients except the chicken to make the marinade. Add chicken to marinade, turn to coat. Cover dish or seal bag and refrigerate, turning chicken occasionally at least 2 hours but no more than 24 hours.

2) Heat grill. Remove chicken from marinade and reserve the marinade. Cover and grill chicken 4-6 inches from medium heat for 15-20 minutes, turning and brushing with the marinade occasionally.

3) Heat remaining marinade to boiling in 1 quart saucepan: boil and stir for 1 minute. Serve on top of chicken.

YUM!!