I AM MICHAEL MOORE'S BIATCH

So yeah, I saw "Fahrenheit 9/11" on Friday afternoon.

If you give a crap about the film, you already know what it's about.

I loved it. I laughed. I misted up. I learned a lot about our president.

As I left the theater, local TV news crews were standing outside the theater, looking to interview people who had just seen the movie.

I guess.

I mean, they could have been there to interview people who just saw "White Chicks".

But just to be safe, I meandered around the news people. Like I was waiting on a ride or soemthing. Hoping they'd ask me "Yo Curly, what'd ya think of the flick?"

I had my statement all prepared.

"I think every American should see this film and make up their own mind."

Man!

Soundbyte City!

Unfortunately, I think they were looking for someone a bit more ... hmmm ... Television friendly to put on the news.

People don't want to be eating dinner and seeing my big ugly mug on the screen.

And news people know this.

So after standing there for 15 minutes going "I've got a good soundbyte! I've got a good soundbyte!" they interviewed a hot blonde instead.

Bitch.

Okay.

None of that really happened.

I mean, I saw the TV crews and kept walking.

I mean ... hell. It was raining fer chrissakes.

I wasn't going to stand there in the rain and say "Michael Moore's a genius!" no matter what influence it would have on my Q rating.

I will say that the movie is incredibly powerful.

How powerful?

Let's just say that it debuted at #1 in the weekend box office ... and we all woke up this morning to find out that the US has handed over the nation's sovereignty two days early.

The movie is all about "Why are we in Iraq?"

Today, we're on our way out of Iraq.

So you tell me just how powerful it is.

Yes, the rumblings you have heard are true.

My boy Mattie Gee's band The Spicolis have indeed broken up.

From the rumors I'm hearing, they're about to make me an offer to start a new band called "The Big Ugly Bald Guy And The Band With No Drummer Behind Him" where we will perform my classic "I Hate This Fucking Shithole" along with some of my other gems such as "Why Does It Hurt When I Poop?", "Snotbubble Blues" and "Dipstick Lesbian".

I'm going to have to turn them down though.

Mainly because I can't sing worth a shit.

Speaking of music ... the best CD of the year was released last week.

Grab you a copy of Wilco's "A Ghost Is Born".

It's all I've been listening to since it came out last Tuesday.

It's not for everyone and I know this. There's one song that features 12 minutes of this mechanical hum that TO ME is relaxing, but could be grating to others.

You can listen to the disc if you click on the provided link that I just provided you with, click on "Records" and then "Listen".

I did that a month or so ago and can't say I was impressed then.

It took listening to the disc on my own sound system and in the car before I really started getting into it.

But now ... man oh man ... I love this disc.

I've got more to tell you but no time to tell it.

I'll tell ya tomorrow.

Maybe.