CUTE THINGS MY SON'S BEEN DOING LATELY THAT DON'T INCLUDE SHOVING SHIT UP HIS NOSE

* He started drinking chocolate milk during our recent vacation.

Except his name for chocolate milk is "Strong Bones".

We've tried to explain that it's called "chocolate milk" but he will have no part of it.

"More strong bones please," he says at the dinner table while he holds his cup up.

Cracks me up.

He's back on a HUUUUUGE Dora the Explorer kick lately.

While he plays with his Thomas the Tank Engine trains exclusively, he will only watch Dora.

No "Toy Story" or "Finding Nemo" or "Monsters Inc" or even "Thomas the Tank Engine" videos.

He only wants to watch Dora on TV.

Granted, his TV watching is limited to one hour a day.

But every single day he wants to watch "Super Silly Fiesta".

And now, he will only answer to the name "Boots".

(Boots is the hyperactive monkey on the show who's prone to breaking down in tears when he doesn't get his way. Just like Andrew. Except Andrew doesn't throw his feces like a monkey. And for the life of me, the kid won't eat a banana. Go figure.)

Anyway, he's Boots, Mama is "Dora" and I am now "Swiper", the sly fox who steals everything.

Sorry.

Swipes everything.

It's gotten to the point where we say "Andrew, it's time for bed."

No response.

"Andrew, it's bedtime."

No response.

"Boots, it's time for ... "

He's up and running for the bedroom.

Yesterday I picked him up from daycare and in front of his whole class, he yelled out "SWIPERRRRR!!" and came running to me.

Crazy fucking monkey boy.

He's been doing a "troll" dance which is featured in this latest Dora adventure.

He's a grumpy old troll who lives under a bridge and walks around like he just shit himself while he sings "I'm a grumpy old trollllll who lives under a briiiiidge."

It's cuter than it sounds.

The other night we fixed his usual dinner of chicken nuggets and Cheetos.

It's really the only thing that we can guarantee he'll eat.

He came to the dinner table, saw his plate and said "Oh. My. GAWD!"

I have no idea where he got that from, but it was hilarious at the time.

I think that's it.

It may not be, but I have to go wake him up and take him to daycare now.

Hopefully, he'll refrain from yelling "Swiper! No swiping!" at me while we're there.

The workers there already think I look shifty enough.