AWKWARD FATHER-SON CONVERSATION #1

ME: Do you know who's coming to see you soon?

ANDREW: Grandma?

ME: Noooo. He comes at Christmas time.

ANDREW: Santy Claus??

ME: That's right! Santa Claus!

(Approximately one mile of complete silence)

ME: Do you know what Santa Claus does?

ANDREW: Bring me toys??

ME: That's right! He brings you toys!

(Another mile of silence)

ME: What do you want Santa to bring you?

ANDREW: Toys!

ME: Well ... yeah, toys. But what KIND of toys? Do you want a new Thomas train?

ANDREW: No.

(Shit. He's got SIX new Thomas trains at the top of my closet already)

ME: Do you waaaaant ... new trucks?

ANDREW: No.

(Double shit. This is going to be a miserable Christmas)

ME: What do you want then?

ANDREW: (thinking hard)

ME: A new Winnie the Pooh DVD?

ANDREW: Carrots.

ME: Carrots?

ANDREW: Carrots.

ME: You don't even like carrots.

ANDREW: I want carrots.

ME: You get toys from Santa Claus ... not vegetables. What toys do you want?

ANDREW: CARROTS!!

ME: Not carrots. Toys. What toys do you want?

ANDREW: (Crying) CARROTS!!! I WANT CARROTS!! I WANT SANTY CLAUS TO BRING ME CARROTS!!!

ME: Fine. Carrots. Santa will bring you carrots and that's all. No toys. Just carrots.

ANDREW: Carrots.

ME: Carrots.

ANDREW: Carrots.

(Silence for the rest of the way home)