Uncle Bob's Diary O' Chuckles

SEDUCTIVE PSYCHOBABBLE

Oh hey.

Hi.

Hello.

How ya doin'?

How many lines is that?

Four??

Shit.

As always on a Tuesday, I have nothing of importance to write here.

Monday was Monday.

I shaved off my "goatee" or as most people would refer to it ... that failed experiment in facial hair.

I strut into my new job, fully expecting everyone's mouths to drop open and say "Ohmigod! You shaved off your goatee!!"

But, because I'm New Boy, I'm still at the point where nobody talks to me or notices me and I'm not supposed to talk until addressed first because that's the New Boy Rule ... you're infiltrating an already-established core group of employees who have had plenty of time to get to know one another and they'll slowly get around to knowing you but you have to give them time first.

It's kinda like dogs sniffing each other's asses.

If my ass smells tasty, they'll talk to me.

Apparently, I need to take an extra long shower today.

One gal on my route did notice my loss of goatee and said I looked "much sexier" now.

I blushed. Or at least tried to by holding my breath until I almost passed out.

Because that is SO non-sexy when you're laying unconscious in a sloppy heap on the floor of a doctor's office.

Thanks to the biggest of pimps, you know who I'm really getting into lately??

William F'n Shatner.

The Pimp said that he was really diggin' Shatner's "Common People" about a month or so ago so I downloaded the song (LEGALLY!!) and fell in love with it instantly.

While in South Carolina last week, I bought the CD and can't stop playing it.

Sure it's kinda hokey. But there's some really decent songs on there. And some are really funny.

Plus, I'm sorta hooked on "Boston Legal", the Shat-Man's new TV show.

I've never been a fan of the guy. Never saw a single episode of "Star Trek", "TJ Hooker" or "Rescue 911".

Never understood the appeal of the guy.

Now I do.

He's a hoot, that Shat-Man.

Anyway, do whatever you can to hear Shatner singing "Common People".

If I were to ever legally change my name, I think I'd change it to "Puffy Vagina".

I think I'd change my middle name to "Lesbian".

Then when my Mom got mad at me for not coming inside the house on time, she'd be forced to hang her head out the front door and yell in front of the neighbors "PUFFY LESBIAN VAGINA, YOU GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!!"

Because at her advanced age, I can't imagine her enjoying such a task.

But just think of all the chunky bull dykes gathering in her yard!!

It's a win-win situation!

(Depending on your definition of "win-win")