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6:11 a.m. - 2005-01-31



So I sat down with my new/old Boss on Saturday and we hammered out the details for me to come back to the newspaper.

I'll be doing what I did before I left there in the summer of 2001 with a few changes.

I won't be writing a humor column and an entertainment column which is fine because I really didn't want to write either one anyway.

It's gotten too hard for me to be humorous without using phrases like "Butt Picker" and "Cock Knocking Ass Pirate".

And the entertainment column was just crap that I used to get off of the website Mr. Showbiz which is no longer operating and plus ... everyone's on the Internet now and could get the same information that I'd be printing.

What I WILL be writing is a "Week In Review" column that will have a humorous slant ... if I want it to have one.

And a weekly "people/places/things" column where I write stuff like ... "Hey ... Joe's Deli has the best pastrami in town ... Is it just me or does one of the local newscasters look like she's carrying triplets? ... I was talking to Bill Smith from Eastside Toyota the other day ... what a cock knocking butt pirate he is!"

Kind of a Larry King type column with a local flavor.

Plus I'll be writing feature stories on various things each week and helping Drunk Assed Jamie get the paper's circulation in order because while Jamie's one of the most charming guys you'll ever meet, his Daddy owns the paper and that makes him a lazy bastard because he knows Daddy won't fire him.

But Jamie listens to me and I'd like to think he (gulp) respects me. At least his Dad thinks so and thinks we'll be a good team.

So once a week, Jamie and I will pile in a car and try to boost sales somehow.

The reason I'm coming on board is so that the Boss doesn't have to be there as much.

He took over the majority of my responsibilities when I left and frankly ... he doesn't want to do them anymore.

And seriously ... you don't know what you've got until it's gone.

I left the paper to go write coffee table books which was ... dull. I had my good days and bad days but for the most part I just sat at a desk and tried to make pharmaceutical companies sound compelling for a year and a half while the company slowly swirled down the toilet.

And then going to work for the tourism industry was slightly more fun ... but I had no idea what I was doing and after 10 months my boss realized I had no idea what I was doing and ties were cut.

Then ... well .... 2004 isn't exactly going down in my history book as being one of the most fun years ever as far as employment goes.

So now I go back to the paper, put up with the boss who's really got a heart of gold if you can get past the hardened arteries, and go back to an occupation that had many perks.

Anyway, that all starts on Valentine's Day.


Today I have to go turn in the first two weeks notice that I've turned in since I left the paper.

Honestly, it's going to be a bit tough leaving the Piss Boy gig behind.

The boss there is one of the nicest guys I've ever worked for.

I get along with everyone there.

And the gig is a no-brainer. Drive around all day and listen to music with the occasional juggling of the piss.

But it's not a career and it doesn't look all that great at the top of a resume.

In fact ... it's never even going to see the light of day on my resume.

Susie pointed out that after the tourism gig, my resume should say that I started my own DJ business in 2004 and then skip to the newspaper in 2005.

Thus eliminating the telemarketing, the piss juggling, the home security sales, and whatever else I did in 2004 to scrape together the mortgage from my work history.

Works for me.

And honestly ... I know that I'll be at the newspaper for several years to come.

Drunk Assed Boss has never fired anyone in his life and knows that if he fires me he has to do my job and he's in no hurry to go back to doing that.

Plus ... I really like working there.


Is this the most boring diary entry EVER???

Seriously ... you don't have to answer that.

Bottom line ... I'm really excited about going back to the paper and I'm probably happier now than I have been in the last four years.

Of course, that's all subject to change on my first day back.

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