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7:58 a.m. - 2005-02-08


As much as I hate to touch on a subject two days in a row, let's expound a little on the Baby Mama controversy.

First ... many of you pointed out to me that the "support check" that Fantasia sings about getting in the song is a child support check and not a welfare check. You're probably right and I'll give you that. I was wrong, you were right.

Some of you were quick to point out that I'm a racist for writing what I wrote about. Guess what? There's teenage mothers out there who are WHITE too! It's not just a black thing!! Who'da thunk it?!? Certainly not those of you who want to jump the gun and declare someone a racist because they have an opinion on society!

And I only heard the song because ... here's an interesting fact for you ... the only radio station I listen to is an URBAN radio station. That's right ... Uncle Bob loves the rap and R&B. I also love fried chicken and watermelon.


...Well ... on the inside anyway. I was cursed to live with this pasty white skin ... but I'm black on the inside, yo.

Here's my point in what I hope is a more concise form ... keep in mind ... I write these entries the first thing in the morning and I could probably do a better job of communicating my message each day but you get what you get from me.

Being a single mother is the HARDEST job on this planet. It's that simple. It's not a job I would wish on anyone.
The single mothers who have it the worst are the ones who were married and their loser husbands hit the bricks, leaving them trying to raise a child. And as I said yesterday, there's not a teenager out there who's ready for the burden of a child in their life.

What I am pissed about is that we as a society have been trying to teach teenagers that abstinence is the best policy to avoid unwanted pregnancies and disease. It's an uphill battle because kids are constantly being bombarded with sex from advertising to cable television to their peers.

And for "America's Idol" to come along ... whose audience is obviously young females (can you find me one old white guy who bought her disc?) and talk about how being a single mother is a "badge of honor" that "deserves a holiday" ... I think that's wrong.

It's my opinion. Simple as that.

She is unraveling all the work that's been exerted by society to help kids wait until you're older and more responsible to have kids.

It's like if Barney or the Wiggles came out with a song called "Everybody Smoke Weed Because It's Fun And Fritos Taste Better When You're High". They have a certain audience that they have to gear their songs toward.

And so does Fantasia.

For those that wanted to know why I didn't blast the guys that get these women pregnant and then leave them ... there's no need to. These guys are class A suckholes who need their dicks sliced off so they don't impregnate anyone else. If you're not man enough to be a father to the child you gave life to ... in either a day-to-day environment or by financial support ... you don't deserve to enjoy sex ever again.

But the bottom line remains with the female in this situation because it's the female who is ultimately going to play the biggest part in raising this child, with or without the man who sired it.

And the female has the choice of whether or not to have sexual relations with the man unless in the case of rape which is another subject altogether.

And here is the real reason that I have such strong feelings about this song ...

Susie has a friend whose 14 year-old granddaughter is pregnant.

The granddaughter is ecstatic because "all her life" she's wanted a baby.

"All her life".

She's 14.

Her mother, who is 29 (do the math) is trying to talk her out of keeping the baby and giving it up for adoption since the father of the baby is only 16 and doesn't have a job to support them.

The 14 year-old won't have any of this nonsense. She's letting everyone know that she's ready to be a baby mama.

(FYI ... she's Caucasian. Go white girl, go white girl go!!)

The grandmother, Susie's friend, admits that the 14 year-old never got much attention from her mother because she had the child when she was 15 and pretty much gave the child to the grandparents to raise while she went out and partied with her teenage friends.

All in all ... it's a mess for this entire family. The grandparents and mother are upset and want the kid to give the baby up.

The kid insists she's ready to be a Baby Mama.

Because to her ... being a baby mama is a badge of honor.

Thank you Fantasia.

As if our society wasn't corrupt enough, you've used the responsibilities that were handed to you by Paula Abdul to corrupt it just a wee bit more.

End of discussion.

I had the weirdest party last night.

I got a call last week from a military woman who was desperate for entertainment for their military mixer to take place on Monday (last night for those of you who have trouble following me).

Above all, she wanted Karaoke at this mixer.

I quoted her my normal Karaoke price with unlimited music.

She about cried as it was hundreds of dollars more than she wanted to spend.

After going back and forth with her, we decided on the price of $200 for two hours of work.

I let her know that she was getting a steal at this price and she thanked me.

So I show up yesterday at 4 p.m. to get set up.

A guy walks up to me and he's part of the committee that hired me.

He wants me to do the gig for $150.

I just kinda stood there, not knowing what to say because this had never happened to me. Usually, when someone accepts the price given to them, that's the end of the story. I do the job, they pay me the money that was discussed and the night ends.

But here was this guy ... minutes before the party was to start asking me to reduce my price by 25 percent.

In order to justify that price, he said that ALL I had to play was karaoke. No music at all ... just do karaoke.

I pointed out that the party was to end between 6:30 and 7:00 and that in order for most people to feel comfortable to do karaoke, they have to be at least a LITTLE intoxicated. If the party started at 4:45, it would be 6:15 before anyone felt like doing karaoke and by then, the party would be winding down.

It didn't matter to him. He just wanted karaoke.

Fine. I was tired and didn't feel like arguing or pointing out that it was a breach of contract. I'd just have to explain to my wife that the cable bill didn't get paid from this party ... that's all.

So the people filed in with dead silence ringing in their ears.

The guy who made the deal used my mic to welcome them all out and pointed them in the direction of the buffet.

They all got up and walked toward the buffet.

One guy ... ONE GUY ... yelled "PLAY SOME MUSIC!!"

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

The Deal Guy froze and ran up to the head honcho.

They talked for about 30 seconds and Deal Guy ran up to me on stage.

"Hey," he said. "How about we make it an even $200 and you play music as well as Karaoke?"


"Well," I said slowly. "That'd be fine and good ... but the price is $250 now."

Deal Guy stared at me in horror.

I stared back.

Then I grinned, punched him lightly in the stomach and said "I'm just kiddin' ya, man."

He exhaled.

I played FIVE SONGS.

"Don't Fear The Reaper" (a big song for military guys for some reason ... I think it's the SNL "Cowbell" sketch); "Save A Horse (Ride A Cowboy)"; "Papa Was A Rolling Stone"; "Hook" by Blues Traveller and ... of course ... "Baby Mama".

I'm kidding on the "Baby Mama". I played "Word Up".

Then Deal Guy had a few announcements to make and a Scavenger Hunt to conduct.

Then the Head Honcho, who was apparently a complete asshole, forced one table to get up and sing a song Karaoke-style.

In the military, you don't tell the Head Honcho to bite a dick, no matter if you're at a party with alcohol or not.

So they got up and crowded around the monitor and did their best to sing "YMCA".

Then they got to pick a song out for the next table to humiliate themselves over.

And on and on and on.

So you've got big burly military guys singing songs like "Dancing Queen", "I Will Survive" and "The Rose" which ... even I have to admit ... was kind of cool and funny.

But if the Head Honcho didn't like your table's rendition of these songs, he'd throw a white towel at you, the music was stopped and the entire table had to get down and give him 25 push-ups.

After the last table had sang their song and did their push-ups, they decided that it was time for the Head Honcho to sing HIS song.

The Head Honcho shook his head violently as he was NOT going to sing a song.

Normally in this situation, the guy folds and gets up and sings a song and earns the cheers and respect from the men he's over.

Not this guy.

He simply got up, walked out, got in his car and left without singing.

I personally thought that was kinda shitty for a guy who had been forcing others to do push-ups because he thought their singing sucked to do.

And it was an anti-climactic way to end the evening. Everyone kinda stood around, thinking they had really pissed off the Head Honcho.

Deal Guy took the mic, thanked everyone for coming out and sent them on their way at 6:59 p.m.

So all total I played five regular songs and 13 Karaoke songs.

For $200.

I love my job.

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