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7:25 a.m. - 2005-05-01


I know ... I know ... it's Sunday and I haven't updated on a Sunday since 2002.

But I just had to check in to say "Happy May Day!!!"

Do kids still gather 'round the May Pole and do whatever kids do around the May Pole??

I recall as a kid I celebrated May Day exactly once. And we wrapped streamers around a flagpole with each kid holding a streamer and going around in circles until all the streamers were wrapped neatly around the pole.

What the fuck was that all about? What did it symbolize or signify?

Paper around a pole to celebrate May.

Whoopdee shit.

I did a wedding reception yesterday that wasn't very noteworthy except for a few things ...

The groom wore a nice tuxedo jacket, shirt, cumberband ... and jeans with boots and a ten gallon cowboy hat.

Yep. He was a country music fan.

I played a lot of country music and he got out there and danced with every female in the place, doing all that fancy cowboy dancin'.

He'd tip his hat at each of the ladies at the end of the song and the ladies just swooned.

Nobody got too drunk except for one hottie who kept hanging around me, telling me she used to be a DJ herself and play this and that and this and that.

I don't mind drunken women hanging around as long at they're cute and showing plenty of cleavage in a loose-fitting dress.

Anywahoooooo ... the party was an afternoon one and everything wound down at 6.

I was supposed to take the family out to eat, but after two parties in 24 hours, I was exhausted so I stopped at KFC on the way home because I was feelin' kinda rednecky.

Anyway ... my goddamned point here ... I was listening to this classic country music radio show on the radio ... why? I don't know. I guess it was something different to listen to.

And the DJ plays the classic song "Teddy Bear" by Red Sovine.

Ever heard it??

Now I don't know if I was just exhausted and emotionally drained or what?

But I bawled like a mofo on the way home, listening to that song.

Jesus God ... I mean ... tears streaming down my cheeks while trying to drive.

It's a sad song, yeah ... but it's so freakin' cheesy and hokey and all those other words that mean cheesy and hokey.

If you have no clue what I'm talking about, either download the freakin' thing or read the lyrics here.

Go ahead and read it if you're not familiar with it because there's a spoiler coming up in a second.

(The lyrics are written from a truck driver's point of view. That may help you in understanding what the hell's going on. Back in the day, most country music songs focused on the day-to-day machinations of truck drivers. Now it's "I'm a fucking redneck woman, so kiss my ass" that's all the rage with country music.)

There's one little portion of the song that gives away its age.


The little boy gives the truck driver his address over the CB radio.

That may have flown back in the 60's and early 70s.

But today?

You'd find one hacked up little boy whose eye sockets had been sexually molested if a kid gave out his address over a CB radio to an anonymous truck driver.

I wanna go back to the simple life of the 1950s.

But then ... no internet.

It's a catch-22, baby.

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