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6:08 a.m. - 2005-06-27


Soooo ... where was I?

Oh yeah ... showed up for work a week ago and was told I had been fired while on vacation.

While I don't want to say too much about the situation here, I can try to explain it as best as possible.

A month or so ago I DJ'ed a wedding that I wrote about here. The entry has since been taken down for obvious reasons, but it was the "hit and run" entry where I ran over a folding chair when leaving the reception because it was so dark out.

Or you may remember the entry because I mentioned the handicapped daughter of the bride a few times.

Well, the groom in that wedding was my boss' son.

And after I wrote it, the entry somehow got back to my boss who was understandably infuriated that I had made light of the daughter's condition and he sent a letter to the house firing me.

The problem with that was we didn't pick up our mail until Monday morning ... and I didn't get the letter until my friend Jill had to be the one to fire me since nobody else was in the office when we opened.

Yes, I felt like complete crap for the whole situation and have apologized to the boss, Jill, and the bride and groom for what I wrote.

I think I've made it clear several dozen times in the last five years that just because I write something on this site doesn't mean that's how I truly feel about certain things and that what I do here is for entertainment more than actual feelings and thoughts.

The worst part for me is that now everyone at my old office knows about this website and are reading it and have read through a great deal of the archives in order to find more stuff that I've written about them all.

I can't hardly bitch about it because this website is far from private. I've fought hard in my real life to keep it private, giving everyone pseudonyms, nicknames, not mentioning exactly where I worked. My good buddy, Drunk Assed Jamie was shocked that I had kept it a secret from him for so long. He's one of the few at the office who actually got a kick out of the site and has been spending SEVERAL WORK HOURS reading it and enjoying every Drunk Assed Jamie episode in the vault.

(Sorry James ... as always, I'm going to do my best to keep getting you in trouble.)

I still love everyone at the office and wish them all the best. Even the boss is a kind man who will bend over backwards to help his people out. I understand completely why he felt the need to let me go and I accept it.

Mainly because I immediately had another job lined up paying me a bunch more than I made at the office and with some awesome benefits.

And the best part?

Nobody there knows a thing about Uncle Bob.

Not that I grilled anyone about the site, but judging from the looks of my new co-workers, they don't look the type to even be remotely amused by this little dog and pony show.

So what's the new job?

I am now the assistant manager of a formal wear store.

The hours can't be beat ... it's low pressure stuff because the customer comes to us, we don't have to go to the customer. I've got most weekends off and never work nights.

Of course, I'll have to measure a buttload of inseams which I'm not exactly looking forward to. While I've never really covered this topic before, I'm now able to admit that I've never gotten on my knees, put my hand in another man's crotchal vicinity and ran my hand down his leg before.

Soooo ... that should be an experience. I just hope I don’t accidentally punch someone in the scrotum due to nerves.

Anyway, I start today at 8 a.m.

Wish me luck!

So what to do now?

In the last five and a half years, I've received a lot of praise for the things I’ve written here.

I've also caught a firestorm of shit from total strangers and have now officially been fired for things I've written.

I have a choice ... do I continue to write and open myself up for more criticism and praise?

Or do I just say "This has been too much and I'm throwing in the towel."

There was no update last Tuesday because that was the day I dealt with this issue.

And in the end ... this is my hobby. It's something I do in my office at home on my own free time.

I'm not out to hurt people or destroy people.

Ever since 1980, I've kept a journal ... that means the last 25 years of my life have been neatly chronicled in one form or another.

And in this public forum, I've made a conscious decision to allow the happenings in my life to serve as entertainment for total strangers and a very small group of close friends.

After about five minutes of soul searching (damn that adult ADD!!), I decided to keep this website going and renewed my gold membership.

But I think that recent situations dictate that some changes need to be made. I don't think these changes will even be noticed by my average reader. I started implementing changes last week and to the best of my knowledge, you guys have rolled with the punches and not even noticed them.

Before I quit, I would like to point out one more thing.

If you look to the right of this page you'll see the word "DISCLAIMER".

If you click on that (yes, it's a link! God bless modern technology!) it will take you to a page that someone completely unassociated with this page wrote that basically says exactly how I feel about people reading this site.

One of the more interesting passages is this one:

If you have a real life relationship with the writer, remember that communication is very important. View weblogs as online journals, no less sacred than a diary hidden between the mattresses. First of all let them know that you read their site, especially if they did not tell you personally.

If they do not want you reading it, or suddenly stop posting entries, ask them why and if necessary, stop going to the site. It is important that as a friend, relative, co-worker or whatever you may be to the writer, that your presence at their weblog not impede their ability to express themselves. Remember this is their outlet. They may not want you to read certain things they might write about you or others you care about, in order to spare your feelings, avoid drama or maintain their privacy. You should respect this and immediately stop going to the site, and never relay any information you gather at their site to others who might use it against them.

That said ... to the people that know me in real life, read this site and pretend they know nothing about it ... I'm at a loss of words for you guys.

My email address is right there at the top of this page. There's never been any reason for you not to drop me an email and say "Hey Bob ... we used to work together a while back. I've been reading your stuff for years and while I don't always agree with it, there's something there that's kept me coming back 1,600 times."

The funny part is ... I know a lot of you who are "secretly" reading it. You may think you've been a super sleuth, but I've known all along.











I've known all along.

If it makes any of you feel better, you were just the ones I thought of off the top of my head.

In the future, when you start reading someone's website who you happen to know in real life, let them know you're reading it. It honestly strengthens the bond between you and the writer.

I don't need any of you that I just mentioned to email me because I already know you're reading it. Our mutual friends have already told me.

The whole "fly on the wall" thing you're trying to pull off is just petty and annoying.

Trust me.

I've been putting up with it for years.

Tomorrow ... back to the funny.

...Or about as funny as feeling up strangers' inseams can be.

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